June 25, 2004

Just call me the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Woman

I woke up thinking today was Thursday. I'm kind of surprised to see that it's June 25th already--that means it's summer, now, right? I've been wandering around looking for a quiz to do in lieu of posting actual content, but nothing appealed to me. I tried the "Which Office Moron Are You?" quiz, but I got "the paranoid boss" and since it's true it wasn't funny. Some days it really sucks to be the boss. Okay, yeah, I do have all this power over others, but I'm just so merciful that it's really not a lot of fun. For example, I could fire one of the clerks for not having their uniform shirt tucked in. Well, I would have to write them up once, and then fire them the second time, but still the opportunity awaits. And I really am tired of nagging those kids to tuck their shirts in. "It's not comfortable!" they whine. "I forgot!" they insist. But honestly, while it would do wonders for my reputation as an all-powerful evil capitalist oppressor to fire someone for not tucking in their shirt, it just strikes me as sort of petty. I'd rather fire someone for a meatier crime, like stealing Goobers or telling a customer to go f*** themselves. So I scheduled a store meeting. I'm the boss, I can do that! I also made the meeting mandatory, so if someone doesn't attend I can fire them. That's a little more fun than the shirt thing (but not as fun as pilfered Goobers). At the meeting I will tell them to start tucking in their shirts or else. Although I expect a smart-ass will ask "or else what?" and then I'm stuck. "Or else I will schedule another meeting!" doesn't sound like much of a threat.

I'm just too sweet to be so all-powerful.....

Posted by Susie at June 25, 2004 10:26 AM

Just remind them that it's a condition of their continued employment that they follow the uniform rules.

And you might want to throw in something like "I'm sick of warning you guys about it and then seeing you keep doing it. Remember you *can* be terminated if it keeps happening."

You don't have to say you absolutely will fire them, just let them know it could happen ;)

And anyway, although it is kinda petty, there's a reason companies have uniform codes - although yes, it's a run down 2nd-run movie theater, the company would still like at least the *illusion* of professionalism from their employees I'm sure.

Posted by: S at June 25, 2004 08:33 PM

Being threatened with another meeting would make ME straighten up & fly right.

I HATE meetings :-)

And I like S's "don't threaten, inform" angle.

Posted by: Harvey at June 26, 2004 11:09 AM

If it's not specifically spelled out in their employee manual that untucked shirts / uniform violation is a terminating offense, you should keep written minutes of your meeting to cover your company in the event of a wrongful termination lawsuit. Also make everyone sign in or clock in (actually, you are required to pay them for meetings under federal employment guidelines) and keep that with the meeting minutes. I would also post a notice by the time clock and keep a copy of that with the minutes. If you do all that, you should be pretty much covered.

Posted by: Madfish Willie at June 26, 2004 01:00 PM

Actually, Barkeep, we don't have an employee manual. But I do make them "clock in," otherwise I wouldn't have proof they blew off the meeting when I fired 'em! ;)

Posted by: Susie at June 26, 2004 04:55 PM

And by "clock in" I mean write their time on the sheet of paper we use to keep track of their hours for payroll, since the Technology Free Zone™ doesn't even have a punch clock....

Posted by: Susie at June 26, 2004 05:03 PM

I've used the argument that our uniform shirts are so incredibly ugly that by tucking them in, I cause my well-mannered and highly fashionable undies to cringe in horror, resulting in a near-crippling wedgie, which could easily become a workman's comp situation.
They didn't buy it, of course, but the look on management's face was worth it.

Posted by: LeeAnn at June 28, 2004 08:35 AM