February 08, 2005

Some Helpful Advice for the Terminally Stupid

Say that you decide to call the movie theater where your son is seeing a movie, perhaps because there is a family emergency of some kind. [Note: in most cases, being out of milk does not constitute an emergency.]

To begin with, it would help if you knew which movie he had planned on seeing.

Next, understand that movie theaters do not have PA systems for announcements during the movie (this is why your car would not start when you came out after leaving the lights on for two hours--the staff noticed it, but had no way of informing movie viewers).

Thirdly, be appreciative of the fact that the woman who answered the phone--a mere two minutes prior to the start of the next scheduled show--is willing to take a flashlight and search a darkened theater for you.

And, finally, for God's sake, when she asks you for a description of your son, do not tell her that "He's tall and wearing black pants" as if this will be helpful in a pitch black room full of seated people.

Posted by Susie at February 8, 2005 12:22 PM

I don't know about terminally stupid, however they most definantly are terminally clueless.

And please don't tell me the big emergency really was being out of milk.

BTW Thank you!

Posted by: contagion at February 9, 2005 08:17 AM

Just get a chalk board on an easel and put it near the exit doors for such types of messages.

However, truthfully, that lady should have not only said "He was tall and wearing black pants", but that said black pants were too large and hung so low that almost every stitch of his ugly boxer shorts, worn every day since the beginning of time, were displayed and that he likely needed to comb his hair, his ears stuck out further than those of Ross Perot, and he continuously picked his nose and ate his boogers.

Posted by: Tig at February 10, 2005 03:29 PM

[gives hug]
[leaves beer]

Posted by: Harvey at February 14, 2005 07:21 PM