April 24, 2005

Just call me the S.E.E.E.R.D.*

One of the reasons I enjoy reading Eric of Classical Values is his impatience with all the silly trappings of the politically correct. This post on more ego-massaging titles for jobs (think "sanitation engineer") made me realize how out of step we are in my workplace. "Concessions Clerk"? "Cashier"? How belittling to the employees staff humans who wait on assist enhance the movie-going experience of other humans! (Wait; is "human" one of those bad words because it has "man" in it?)

In order to avoid crushing the delicate spirits of the persons who enhance the movie-going experience of other persons (uh, "person" has the word "son" in it...dang! it's tough being PC!), new titles for the jobs revenue-generating activities must be found!

Now, Director of First Impressions would work great if it weren't already taken. Besides, that would be the Cashier, which would make the Clerks Directors of Second Impressions and we can't have that! It clearly indicates a hierarchy (shudder!). Hmmm....

Clerk:

    ♦ Popcorn Delivery Engineer
    ♦ Beverage Conveyance Specialist
    ♦ Transaction Technician
    ♦ Refreshment Consultant
    ♦ Snack Offerings Expert

Cashier:

    ♦ Entertainment Choice Coordinator
    ♦ Ticketing Professional
    ♦ Monetary Inflow Authority
    ♦ Director of Admissions
    ♦ Voucher Delivery Practitioner

Ok now what about the Assistant Manager? Can't have her thinking she's not as important as the manager, right?

    ♦ Patron Advocate
    ♦ Activity Flow Specialist
    ♦ Productivity Châtelaine
    ♦ Customer Experience Enhancement Professional
    ♦ Mediation Artist

Ok, I know you're dying to take a crack at this! You may offer any suggestions you have in the comments. Meanwhile, I have to get ready to Coordinate Activity Flow and Supervise Ticketing and Refreshment Specialists....


*Supervisor of Enhanced Entertainment Experience and Refreshment Delivery

Posted by Susie at April 24, 2005 10:17 AM
Comments

I'd like to play but I don't think I could come up with anything to top "Productivity Chatelaine".

Posted by: anon at April 24, 2005 04:59 PM

The cashier could be a "ticketing officer". Might make him/her feel like they're in law enforcement.

BTW, the word "employee" is long out of fashion. The prefered term is "associate".

Hospitality Associates! Yeah, that's the ticket...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 24, 2005 09:04 PM

For cashier:

Coadjutant of Currency Acquisition

For clerk:

Confectionary Distribution Technician

Posted by: Buckley F. Williams at April 24, 2005 09:15 PM

I'm just gonna sit here & giggle :-)

Posted by: Harvey at April 24, 2005 09:53 PM

How about for the cashier
Revenue Coordinator.

For the Concessions People
Refreshment Management Technician

Posted by: jess @ LOSLI at April 24, 2005 11:36 PM

For the boss position, I've always liked HMFIC.

Posted by: Ted at April 25, 2005 10:19 AM

Susie, thanks for the link. (There's no one I'd rather amuse than you.)

And a HAPPY BLOGIVERSARY!

Posted by: Eric Scheie at April 25, 2005 02:09 PM

'Kay, Ted, I give up. I imagine the "HM" stands for "His/Her Majesty", but what's the rest?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at April 25, 2005 09:33 PM

I liked it better when you just had an "Ass Man."

Posted by: Tig at April 26, 2005 12:06 PM