June 01, 2005

Now Trolls are Spammers, too!

Got this email this morning:

From: "Daniel Johnston"
To: GevKaffeeGal
Subject: This goes double for you.
Date: Wed, 1 Jun 2005 06:18:02 +0000

Hi, I thought I would tell you a couples of ways to really be patriotic.
How about asking our government to strengthen enviromental laws. How about asking Bush to supply our troops with body armor instead of huge kickbacks for Haliburton. How about questioning our leaders about the Iraq War instead of blindly accepting everything you hear on the corperate media. You're mindless nationalism is a very dangerous thing today James. You're site is'nt patriotic, it's fluff that you'll hear on Fox News and every other mainstream media outlet. When you don't fight to make things better than you're the one betraying this country.

USA rules! Peace

By the way, looking at you're site, it looks like you're the one who is a
whiny bitch.

Now go beat off like the whiny bitch who runs anti anti-flag did.

Ah, where do I start? First: Thank you, Daniel, for giving me something to blog about! Next, let me make a few general remarks regarding basic composition. Ordinarily, one marks questions by the use of a lovely little piece of punctuation called, interestingly, the question mark. Also, when using the apostrophe, remember that its purpose is to delineate missing sounds or letters. Did you really mean "You are mindless nationalism is a very dangerous thing today James. You are site is'nt [sic] patriotic..."? These basic punctuation errors make your (not you're) writing a little difficult to comprehend.

Now, as to content. While it is quite acceptable to address an individual directly, Daniel, it is only polite to get their name right. My name is "Susie," not "James." Further, it would aid rational discussion if you were to make reference to the specific post or posts with which you find fault. For example, you could begin your missive by saying "In your May 30th post you asked your readers to perpetuate the genocide of our bovine brothers, and I thought I would give you some unsolicited grief about carnivorism without providing any factual basis for my objections. Oh, and you are a whiny bitch." Because your statements have no context, they sound remarkably like the mindless screeching from the Democratic Underground (blah blah Haliburton blah blah Chimpy is Hitler blah blah blah).

Furthermore, you make the unwarranted assumption that I watch television (or other "corperate" media) and quote it verbatim (blah blah Fox News blah blah blah) and post their "fluff." I'll have you know that I only post my own fluff, thank you very much! And I do not recall, although I could be mistaken, any of my fluff involving the definition of or soliciting suggestions for "a couples [sic] of ways to really be patriotic."

Now, a patriot is "One who loves, supports, and defends one's country." So to be really patriotic, you suggest strengthening "enviromental" laws? I guess I missed the memo that explains how the Spotted Owl is our last bastion of defense again Canadian agression....

Daniel, I do agree that our troops should have the best equipment of any nation in the world. But I also seem to recall that it is Congress that provides funding for our national defense, and that the government contract with Haliburton dates to the Clinton administration--but why should you let facts cloud your opinions (blah blah Chimpy McHitler blah blah Conspiracy blah blah blah)?

One last grammatical note, concerning the usage of "than" and "then". "Than" is used comparatively, as in "Your email is less than persuasive." "Then" is used consequentially, as in "When you email Susie without double-checking your grammar, then you get your writing fisked."

Posted by Susie at June 1, 2005 08:18 AM

You could point out to him how he could be more patriotic by being less of a douchebag.

Posted by: Patriot Xeno at June 1, 2005 01:11 PM

I'm reading the spam letter thinking "crap I must have missed a really good post from Susie over the weekend" and was pissed for not checking in.

But I don't feel so bad now, knowing there is no such specific post.

What a asshat.

Posted by: Machelle at June 1, 2005 01:53 PM

OK, I go with you on just about everything...BUT...

Dude, the Spotted Owl is like WIKKID FIERCE!!
It could TOTALLY like rip your head off and like BLOOD would be just SO GUSHING OUT OF YOUR NECK!!

Our National Defense depends on the Owl, the Sloth and the Albino Fruit Fly to all work in harmony lest the terrorists infiltrate our society and make us all eat portabello mushroom caps and drink $6.00 coffee.

I'm off for a shave and some sour cream and onion dip.

(Parents: this is what happens when you let TV and public school raise your children. Free us all from the horror of angry confused adults by selling your uncared for children into slavery as soon as possible. Thank You.)

Posted by: Sarah the penguin at June 1, 2005 03:44 PM

That reminds me, I need to buy a new slave-child.

You'd be surprised how fast those things wear out :-)

By the way, Susie, it IS traditional to have at least one spelling or grammatical error in posts criticizing other people's spelling and grammar.

You thwart the gods of irony at your own risk...

Posted by: Harvey at June 2, 2005 07:28 AM

I, too, would like to thank Daniel for giving James something to blog about. :D

Posted by: Tuning Spork at June 2, 2005 09:39 PM

Verrrrrrrry Interrrrrrrresting. ;)

Posted by: Tig at June 3, 2005 08:39 AM

I just have this to say: SNORT!!! That's funny.

Posted by: Roger at June 5, 2005 01:20 AM