January 31, 2004

We interrupt this blog...

...for an important announcement:

Mr. Green has posted!

Let the celebrations begin....

Posted by Susie at 01:12 PM | Comments (2)

Saturday pre-coffee Imponderables

Why did the state send me my car registration renewal when it's not expired until June? Are they hoping I'll lose it?

Why do perfectly nice, normal people turn into idiots when they become customers?
Customer (looking at the schedule board hanging over my head in the ticket booth window): "So the next two shows are Scary Movie 3 and The Missing? Is that all?"
Susie: "Well, we only have two theaters, so we can only show two movies at one time." (thinking: muhahahah, except for the secret theater in the secret basement where we show secret movies at secret showtimes...)

Why did my credit card company charge me more interest on a lower balance (and lower "average daily balance") than last month? I was thinking about paying about half of it off when I get my tax refund check, but the way they seem to figure it I'll end up paying more interest charges than if I just pay the minimum....of course, it would end up being paid off quicker, but it seems like they have taken that into account and are trying to make up the difference...

I'm on my second cup o' joe now, so things are becoming ponderable...new subejct shortly...

Posted by Susie at 11:53 AM | Comments (3)

January 30, 2004

This caprice is not a chevy

Thanks to Dana I had a much-needed post-work laugh. It's here. (Her fisking was good, too--but I love the muppets....)

Posted by Susie at 11:13 PM | Comments (1)

Usual Friday Whine

The start of my work week, as usual, brings thoughts of crawling back under the covers. I hope to be home by ten, at which point I may blog more. Or not. I'm capricious that way.

Posted by Susie at 01:58 PM | Comments (1)

Let me check the glove compartment

Gosh, looks like if you want a Frankalanche, all you need do is toss some change in Frank's tip jar...

God, I love capitalism!

Posted by Susie at 01:38 PM | Comments (1)

Not a short post

Turns out the post I'm working on is not short. So here's some filler.

UPDATE: Ok--the not short post is below...sorry for any confusion

Posted by Susie at 01:00 PM | Comments (0)

Troll welcoming ceremonies

The latest Alliance assignment is to offer suggestions on how to make comment trolls feel more at home.

Well, first off, Harv immediately corrected its grammar and spelling, always a sure ice breaker!

Next, I considered posting its IP address (which is 24.243.216.132) in case anyone wanted to track it to its lair, but was prevented at the time by more important business--yes, it was time to change the cat box.

Of course, many people would ban the IP and delete the comment, but where's the fun in that? It's so much more satisfying to respond in kind:

Gee, "kafka," sorry to hear about the apple getting lodged in your back...were you surprised that your family is afraid of you and lobs fruit in your direction?

Of course, "kafka" probably will not understand the literary reference, but that makes it the more fun for us...

So, always reply courteously to comment trolls--it encourages them to continue the discussion with even sillier remarks as they get angrier and angrier at their inability to rile you...ignoring them just makes them scamper back into the muck from whence they came...

Posted by Susie at 12:23 PM | Comments (3)

Housekeeping

Those maps seem to be messing up my display a bit (although the mess is worse with IE than with Mozilla). Thank goodness my sidebar is on the other side! Anyway, I am going to post a lot of little posts to see if that helps...

Posted by Susie at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

Frank humor

Anyone remember Frank? That really funny blogger who authors IMAO? I used to read him every day until he went off the Idaho or somewhere apparently without internet access for two weeks. So I got out of the habit of reading his site daily while he was gone, which is why I missed this In My World. Apparently a few readers were offended, but we Catholics know God must have a sense of humor or he would have smote us long ago. There's a follow up today.

"Fix my dog!" Rumsfeld commanded, shaking his fist at God.

"He is kinda wacky happy," spoketh the Lord, looking over Chomps.

"Your son wussified him!" Rumsfeld yelled.

"Yeah," stated God, Almighty, "He's always been a love and peace type. Me, I like the occasional smiting of the unbelievers. Haven't got to do that in a while, though." He turned to Chomps. "Hey, boy. Want to do some role-playing?" God pointed to a nearby loveseat. "Let's say that's a heathen. What do we do to heathens?"

Now if we can just get Frank to see that this Goldberg thing isn't funny...

Posted by Susie at 11:03 AM | Comments (5)

January 29, 2004

The world is too much with us...or not, in my case

As Jen said in Daniel's comments, it may only be two countries, but they're big countries...


create your own visited country map

Also seen at Ted's, Pat's, ozguru's....

Posted by Susie at 12:43 PM | Comments (4)

Reflections on the pitiful state of the pre-coffee mind

I fired up the blogging software because there was something I wanted to write about, but in those few seconds it took to open, all coherent thought fell out of my brain and I managed to drop it down my throat and into my stomach somewhere. So a perfectly good blogging topic is being digested as I type this meaningless blather in hopes that some small bit will pop back up and be rescuable.

Nothing yet. I'll get back to you.

Posted by Susie at 10:57 AM | Comments (1)

Parochial Me

Thanks to Tuning Spork here are the states I've visited:



create your own visited states map

I think I may have been in Iowa once by accident when I made a wrong turn getting onto I-80, but I can't be sure. I have also been to DC, but they show it on their map as being between Delaware and New Jersey, and that's not where it was when I went there...

Posted by Susie at 12:32 AM | Comments (2)

January 28, 2004

Fun with stereotypes

Ah, the French! What a wonderful people! First they try every possible way to sabotage the liberation of Iraq, and now that the tough part is mostly over, they want to play too.

Well, sure! The more the merrier! I've got a few ideas of jobs the French can do to help us in Iraq....


--latrine cleaner (after all, they won't notice the smell)
--wine steward (only for strict Muslim restaurants)
--hospitality manager (serving only UN delegates)
--taxi driver (Bagdhad to Tikrit route)
--stand up comic (exclusively for non-French speaking people)

I'm sure there are lots more things for the French to do to help, but I have to go do my homework now....


Posted by Susie at 07:36 PM | Comments (3)

Sad. So Sad.

Evil Glenn was a precocious child. Even at age three he was already designing prototype puppy blending devices.

Posted by Susie at 07:07 PM | Comments (3)

Swallow before Clicking

I just read a very amusing post, Trial Lawyer's Prayer, that was not written by my dear Tiger.

And so, Lord, if we aren't able to settle the case in the morning, and if the Judge doesn't cancel the trial so that he can go fishing, which, as you know, he loves to do, and perhaps should be omnisciently compelled to do tomorrow, then I will stand before the jury and in my loudest voice, demand that they return a verdict of $7 million.

This means there are two funny lawyers in the world...

Posted by Susie at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)

January 27, 2004

Four paragraphs in search of a title

I used to love winter. Playing in the snow was a great adventure, having school delayed or cancelled always added an element of wonderful surprise (except when we lived in Wisconsin--in Wisconsin, they know how to handle snow. Two flakes hit the ground and a D-Day Invasion's worth of snow-clearing equipment hits the roads. I don't think we had one "snow day" the entire time my family lived there, even through the Blizzard of '79 was the only time I've seen comparable snowfall here in Indiana), and watching big fluffy flakes drift down to create mysterious mounds of white and turn cars and shrubs into indistinguishable masses was entertainment that no tv show could rival.

But I'm old now. And I'm tired of having to scrape five inches of snow off my car every day, or a quarter inch of ice every night, or both. I hate having to step gingerly across sidewalks and parking lots lest I fall and break something. I hate the creaking sound the metal of my car makes when it's 10° and I hit a pothole. I hate winter.

School was cancelled today due to the snow, my car looks like the world's largest pillow, and I have to go to work. I don't want to. I want to be a kid, with a free day, able to bundle up in my snowsuit and fuzzy mittens and crocheted scarf and warm boots to plunge into snow drifts with wild abandon, make snow angels and snow forts and snow families in the yard, and come inside to a steamy mug of hot chocolate, and tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch. I want my mom to scold me for tracking snow through the house, and my sisters to make fun of me because my nose is as red as Rudolph's.

Being a grownup sucks. I'm just sayin'.....

Posted by Susie at 11:24 AM | Comments (7)

Every blizzard has a silver lining

The only good thing about a Winter Storm Advisory is that people tend not to come to the 9:30 show, which means I get to leave work by 11pm instead of midnight.

Posted by Susie at 01:21 AM | Comments (2)

January 26, 2004

The return of the men's room demon or, no human would stack books like this....

One of the urinals in the west men's restroom started spraying water everywhere Sunday afternoon. Of course, it had to happen at the point of highest activity for the day...the two concessions clerks were cleaning the two theaters between shows, I was covering concessions for the incoming patrons, and both movies needed to be threaded. This is, of course, when people started reporting the new shower facilities...By the time the fourth person brought it to my attention I was a little less than patient in my response. Yes, I am aware there is a problem...no, I cannot turn off the water without shutting it down to the entire theater and forcing us to close the theater...an 'out of order' sign is the best I can do until all these people get their popcorn and I thread and start the next two shows...All right, I will come look at it with you since you insist, but you are just delaying my attempts to find a plumber who will come out on Sunday...

The only plumber who returned my call to their "emergency 24 hour response" line wanted $139 trip charge plus parts and labor, and he wouldn't bill the home office.
Um.... no. My petty cash maximum is $25--don't think that'll cover it...

Hark! What's that? Could it be the hoof beats of my knight in shining armor to the rescue? Hurray!

One of my three cashiers has found a better-paying job (not a difficult task--the better-paying part, anyway) and so I hired the first person to fill out an application and he started training yesterday afternoon. I had scheduled him noon to three, just to get his feet wet (little expecting it would turn out to be literally). Even though he is a grown-up, the kids all seem to like him, and they all vied to tell him the best "stupid customer" and theater disaster stories. Of course, Fred came up ("Fred" is what the kids call our resident ghost).

At about two-ish my head cashier called to say that her younger child was in the hospital with pneumonia, and she would not make it in for her night shift. The cashier on duty offered to pull a double and stay 'til close, which I gratefully accepted--only she deserved at least an hour break. Since the new guy was doing great, we figured he could cover the box for the time she was gone (since it would be between shows anyway) and so he called his wife to let her know he would be staying late (I really like this man!) and off went the cashier....

Only people started showing up early for the next two shows, so he was selling tickets and I was selling concessions while the clerks were cleaning the theaters when Fred, awakened by talk of his doings, decided that he had been neglecting his ghostly mischief and needed to liven things up a bit by turning the west men's restroom into a water park.

To make a long story short (too late!) the new guy was able to determine that the leak could be fixed by tightening a thingie that had come loose. Of course, we didn't have the proper tools to do this, and as it was by now after 5, the hardware store was closed. Wait! One of the clerk's dads used to be a plumber! He has a pipe wrench! Yay! Her mom brought the wrench, the new guy tightened the thingie, and Fred's dastardly deed has joined the theater's ghost lore.

At 7, the blizzard started....

Posted by Susie at 12:16 AM | Comments (7)

January 25, 2004

Grrrr and other expressions of irritation

I just lost my entry for today--because Mozilla locked up. Auuugh!
My head is stuffed up from the head cold, and I can't hear out of my left ear.
I have to go to work in half an hour and don't have time to attempt to reconstruct my lost post.
It's my own fault for not saving after every paragraph as I usually do.
It's 9° and supposed to snow six inches while I am enslaved in the Technology Free Zone™, meaning I probably will get stuck trying to get into my driveway at midnight when I get home from work.
Did I mention I hate 13-hour workdays?
Did you know that Mozilla has never given me that "the page can not be displayed" garbage that IE seems to pull constantly, including just now when I was saving this entry? The freakin' page is there, stupid IE! You are just too freakin' lazy or incompetent to display it!
I have to go put on 18 layers of clothing and thread projectors. Before I go, I must share these words of wisdom from the federal government:

If line 11 is equal to or more than line 12, enter the amount from line 8 on line 14 and go to line 15. If line 11 is less than line 12, divide line 11 by line 12. Enter the result as a decimal (rounded to at least three places).

That is an actual quote from my tax forms. God help us all.

Posted by Susie at 10:39 AM | Comments (4)

January 24, 2004

Drat Drat Drat

So I downloaded the install file for Mozilla 1.6, uninstalled Mozilla 1.4, installed 1.6, and it freezes even faster than Firebird did. Two or three pages of browsing and it locks up! Auuuugh.....(not to be confused with Dean's Yeeaaah...). It's probably something I can't do anything about, like the sound card is incompatible with the mouse driver, or the squirrel chauffeur or something. Grumble grumble grumble....

Posted by Susie at 09:39 AM | Comments (3)

January 23, 2004

Cool Beans!!!!!!

This seems like a cool new email scam--anybody else find out that they have violated the Patriot Act via their email?????


Received:
from adelphia.net (oh-clevelandheights-cdnt1-bg1e-15.clvdoh.adelphia.net [68.170.195.15](misconfigured sender))
by worldnet.att.net (mtiwgwc13) with SMTP
Fri, 23 Jan 2004 17:11:48 +0000
X-Originating-IP: [68.170.195.15]
Received: from oh-clevelandheights-cdnt1-bg1e-15.clvdoh.adelphia.net (oh-clevelandheights-cdnt1-bg1e-15.clvdoh.adelphia.net [68.170.195.15])
by adelphia.net (8.12.8p1/8.12.8) with ESMTP id fcycy41426
Sat, 24 Jan 2004 06:59:57 -0400 (EST)
Message-ID:
From: "FDIC"
Subject: Important News About Your Bank Account
Date: Sat, 24 Jan 2004 06:59:55 -0400 (EST)


To whom it may concern;
In cooperation with the Department Of Homeland Security, Federal, State and Local Governments your account has been denied insurance from the Federal
Deposit Insurance Corporation due to suspected violations of the Patriot Act. While we have only a limited amount of evidence gathered on your account at
this time it is enough to suspect that currency violations may have occurred in your account and due to this activity we have withdrawn Federal Deposit
Insurance on your account until we verify that your account has not been used in a violation of the Patriot Act.

As a result Department Of Homeland Security Director Tom Ridge has advised the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation to suspend all deposit insurance on
your account until such time as we can verify your identity and your account information.

Please verify through our IDVerify below. This information will be checked against a federal government database for identity verification. This only takes
up to a minute and when we have verified your identity you will be notified of said verification and all suspensions of insurance on your account will be
lifted.

http://www.fdic.gov/idverify/cgi-bin/index.htm

Failure to use IDVerify below will cause all insurance for your account to be terminated and all records of your account history will be sent to the
Federal Bureau of Investigation in Washington D.C. for analysis and verification. Failure to provide proper identity may also result in a visit from Local,
State or Federal Government or Homeland Security Officials.

Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter.

Donald E. Powell

Chairman Emeritus FDIC

John D. Hawke, Jr.

Comptroller of the Currency

Michael E. Bartell

Chief Information Officer

I clicked the link just to see if they were gonna ask me for my bank account number or something, or offer me a chance to help out a poor Nigerian, but the page didn't load....

UPDATE:Hmm..I decided to print this and my virus program detected a known trojan...so folks, if "FDIC" writes you, don't open it!

Posted by Susie at 02:24 PM | Comments (5)

Blogroll Maintainance and other remarks

Oh, joy...the start of another work week.

My head cold is finally winding down, but it has moved into my ear area so that everything sounds muffled to me...between being sick, the arctic temperatures and my natural indolence I would really love to chuck my job and hybernate 'til Spring. Of course, then I would have no True Theater Horror Stories to entertain my Gentle Readers anynore, so that might be a bad thing.

I've added a few new folks to the blogroll. You meet the most interesting people in the comments. Over at Serenity's I met Natasha, who led me to George, who led me to doc Russia. Of course, I had seen all their names in Misha's comments at one time or another, but never went to visit their blogs until the other day. I re-added Two Nervous Dogs, who seems to be back up and running again after (apparently) moving. Also say "howdy" to S., whom I found lurking in my comments, and enjoyed my visit to his blog.

Next up--a new Alliance assignment, if I can think of anything even vaguely amusing....

Posted by Susie at 12:40 PM | Comments (0)

January 22, 2004

Give me coffee or give me...

I feel like I have a hangover, but unfortunately I did no drinking last night. I had to get up at a ridiculously early hour to show Brother Bear to 200 school children this morning, and when I got home after noon I tried to take a nap to catch up on some of the sleep I missed--only I had exhausting dreams about work-related disasters. So now I'm groggy, caffiene-deprived (since I only had time for half my normal intake before heading to work), and freezing! It's 10° outside, with a wind chill of -5°, so it's dang cold! ...BRRRR...

Okay, I edged the thermostat up to 70° and threw a flannel nightie on over my satin one, so I hope to warm up shortly. In the meantime, there's the coffee dilemma: if I drink coffee this late in the day, it will keep me awake well past my 2am bed time. However, a cup o' joe sounds nice and toasty warm, and perhaps the caffiene will provide enough of a boost that I will be able to finish my homework that's due tonight. Wait! There's more! If I act now, I will have the added advantage of all that lovely steam to aid in unclogging my stuffy sinus passages...hmmm....half-caf ought to do the trick! (Talk amongst yourselves until I get back...)

Oh--everybody link to Daniel, mostly cuz he thinks I'm cool, but also because he's tired of being a lab rat and wants to spend some quality time as an opposum.

I'm really bummed that Mr. Green is on hiatus. My homework chapter is on "Diversity" in the workplace, and I know he went to a seminar about it not too long ago... now I'll have to try and figure out the assignment question on my own. (Yes, the question--if I understood the question, I'm sure I would have no problem coming up with an answer).

Posted by Susie at 03:49 PM | Comments (5)

January 21, 2004

Homework avoidance blogging

I should be doing my homework, so naturally I'm blogging...

So anyway, I tried to install Mozilla 1.5, thinking that perhaps that might help the crashyness, but I keep getting this error message "too many network errors trying to download xpcom.xpi." Anyone know what that means in English?

I'm listening to the soundtrack from School of Rock. For some reason people seem to think that movie theater employees have seen all the movies we show. Do YOU go into work on you day off if you can possibly avoid it? Didn't think so. And that's the only way for me to see one of our movies in its entirety--go into work on my day off. On the other hand, I have seen the end credits of every movie we show. And the end credits to School of Rock listed some of the most awesome music ever recorded, so even though I haven't seen the movie except for bits and pieces, I bought the soundtrack. Of course, it doesn't have all the goodies I read in the end credits, but it does have The Doors, Cream, Led Zepplin, The Who, and The Ramones...now that's good listenin'!

Yesterday a customer wanted to know what we would be showing on February 24th so she could plan a night out with the girls. At the time, I didn't even know what we'd be showing the day after tomorrow, because the Tuesday movie fax was late. I told her she should try to recall what came out to the first run theaters a month or two ago, and figure it might be one of them. Was that rude of me?
I have a school group coming in at 10am tomorrow and they wanted me to fax them the charge on company letterhead. I laughed uproariously. Was that rude of me? (They got a hand written note on the back of a fax cover sheet from another place. I could have used a piece of lined paper torn from the school notebook one of the employees forgot, but I'm classy...)

Posted by Susie at 06:49 PM | Comments (4)

The Long Over-Due Ping Tsunami of Chaos

Thanks to the efforts of Pixy, working on intel received from Rob (who recently hosted a Susieless Bestofme Symphony because I neglected to find the time to prowl my old blog entries to see if there was anything I could stand to read again), there are now little scripty buttons on my Mozilla browser display of the MT composition page! Yay! [Don't fret about it, Trey! If you don't get it, your life will probably be a lot easily in the long run without having to worry about the whole browser compatibility thing....]

Hopefully this means that The Linkmistress of Chaos is back....let's find out, shall we?

Harvey, fellow King of the Blogs judge, currency freak and pervert extrodinaire, has been in a posting frenzy! If you need a chuckle, head over to Bad Money.
Tiger seems to be having computer "issues" too. If any of my geek friends can help him out with the squirrel thing, I'm sure he'd be grateful.
SilverBlue still has the best pictures!
Tiffany has moved! I crawled into my template to change her url, now you all do the same! And thanks to Jen, I found out that Jon has finally fled bogsplot, so you might as well update his listing while you're at it.
LeeAnn once again makes me laugh out loud.
Trey has a great idea for a new wireless phone ring tone...this picture CD has posted will help you envision the exact sound.
Victor has been having browser/blogging "issues", too.
My beloved Pixy Misa has a hilarious take on the Dean squeal speech. I'm just happy we Americans provide such political entertainment value for our friends down under!
There's a new Bonfire in town and I'm linking it even though I'm not in it! (not that I had nothing worthy of the flames, just that I didn't get to it this week. Maybe they'll let me send in two posts to the next one.....)
Feste makes a great point about politicians and military service.
I may disagree with my pal Nor bizness when it comes to politics, but he can still make me laugh!

8. There’s a recurring Beltway legend which says that if you mention a program (No Child Left Behind) enough times, it will find some actual funding under its pillow upon the next full moon.

If you haven't checked him out since he moved off of bogsplot, now would be a good time and this would be a good post to chuckle at.

Well--I made it for two-and-a-half hours of blogging and browsing before locking up, and only lost one sentence of this post, so I'd say we're doing pretty well! I'll save those lost pings for the next time....

Posted by Susie at 11:27 AM | Comments (6)

January 20, 2004

You don't send me traffic anymore....

I have been a bad, bad blogger. Granted, I've been having some accessability "issues" lately, and a &*%^$!! headcold that's just been making me miserable, but is that really an excuse for abrocating my Linkmistesss of Chaos duties? I think not. It may pass as a satisfactory explanation as to why I haven't been represented in the more recent Bonfires, Bestofmes, etc., but it just doesn't cut it when it comes to my failure to provide massive linkage to my blog friends or explain why I have been selfishly keeping all their "bloggy goodness" to my own self instead of sharing.

So let me 'splain. It's the fault of the freaking dueling browsers. Seriously.

As I have remarked in the distant past, although I adore Mozilla (thank you again my dear landland and mentor Pixy Misa) for browsing purposes, when it comes time to compose a post with MT, Mozilla has one big, big flaw--no little html shortcut buttons. This is just barely tolerable for italics and bold, which have fairly easy scripty things. However, I find it impossible to hand code massive numbers of links my own self. Heck, it's tough enough adding one or two to the blogroll! So in order to ping on the scale to which we've all become accustomed, I need to compose my posts with my IE browser...

Except IE sucks at browsing!!!!!! You need 20 windows to do what Mozilla can do with 2 or 3 and a half-dozen tabs!!! Auuugh!

So basicly, I'm screwed. The posts I want to link are not easily findable with IE. The links are not easily inserted with Mozilla. And since the "upgrade", I can no longer use both IE and Mozilla simultaneously as I used to be able to....

I need Minx, Pixy! I need it now!

Posted by Susie at 11:20 AM | Comments (9)

Banned!!!

IP: 204.30.152.216
Designation: either an extremely poor typist or without opposable thumbs
Crime: wasting Pixy's bandwidth and my time

Posted by Susie at 12:44 AM | Comments (2)

January 19, 2004

The Continued Saga of Crashy Badness

Well, my Mozilla browser is still locking up, even though I have
#1 created a new Mozilla profile
#2 deleted the "xul.mfl" file as recommended on a Mozilla help page
#3 uninstalled Netscape 6

Since all three of my browsers (IE, Mozilla and Netscape) co-existed peacefully prior to the "upgrade," I can only assume that the problem is being cause by one of the new thingies that were installed.

It is a sad fact that a nine year old operating system and 3 year old-ish browser worked much more satisfactorily than this "new" stuff.

Anybody got any ideas? In English, rather than geekish, if possible...

UPDATE: tried the Firebird. Didn't last as long as Mozilla before locking up. Drat!

Posted by Susie at 11:30 AM | Comments (9)

Political Uncorrectness

Please note: The following is intended for humorous purposes only, and not to be construed as criticism of a great man. It is rather an indictment of political correctness, and an attempt to annoy the idiots who think that booing the President as he honors Dr. King accomplishes anything other than undermining their own cause.*

Happy Martin Luther Burger King Whopper Jr. Day 2004!

Today, with every Whopper Jr. purchase, receive your choice of one of three new candy delights! Choose from Milk-Chocolate "Peeps," Dark-Chocolate "Homies", or wafer-filled White-Chocolate "Crackers." Subsidized by working taxpayers, this new candy is designed for discriminating tastes, and the whole gang will think they’re a riot. Each flava is just dreamy, so go ahead and give 'em a shot! It'll be like having your very own Holiday for no real reason at all !
-- anonymous

*this disclaimer provided for the humor-impaired

Posted by Susie at 11:09 AM | Comments (3)

January 18, 2004

PSA

I live out on a farm twenty miles away from the nearest police station and a mile and half from my neighbor. The country used to be a place where you could leave your doors unlocked and your car in the driveway with the keys in the ignition overnight. Not any more.

By now everyone probably knows that I think there are too many blogs with too much good writing to keep up with them all. That's why I'll understand if you may have missed the above post by James over at VRWC. However, now that I've pointed it out to you, you have no excuse--so go read "Packing Heat" immediately...

Posted by Susie at 10:10 AM | Comments (0)

January 17, 2004

Poetry over Politics

A paucity of posts at the Showcase again...only four political entries and one non-political one. One of the political entries, as Harvey pointed out, is enviro-hysteria. Another is a variant of last week's "You only disagree with liberals because you're stupid" theme. This one is from an Alliance member, although he has a better post (All the King's horses) he didn't enter. The remaining political entry was an interesting read, although several of the links either wouldn't load or were to subscription-only sites.
So, I think I will cast my vote this week for the non-political entry from Ivy was here: Crows and ravens was yesterday's theme. I haven't argued the meaning of a poem with anyone since my undergrad days, but I remember it well...

Posted by Susie at 11:35 AM | Comments (1)

Another year older...

Thank you everyone for the Birthday wishes yesterday! I had a fine time at the party. It was a little hectic, trying to open my presents and watch the kids open theirs at the same time--sort of like Christmas on a smaller scale--but chaos is a hallmark of any party my family throws because we are a large, noisy group in any enclosed space. I got some excellent gifts! Exotic coffees, a new nightie, sox (yay!), stationary products (pens, pencils, notebooks--I love writing utensils even though we are in the computer age--double yay!), a Far Side calender (triple yay!), a scented candle (which I can't smell yet because of my cold), some lavender hand and body lotion (ditto), some Hershey's DARK chocolate kisses (quadruple yay!), and the most thoughtful gift from my brother and his husband--my own personal coffeemaker for work! Infinite yays!! They even gave me little flavored creamers that don't need refrigeration, and domino sugar packets. Now I just need to find an electrical outlet in my office that isn't broken or blackened....

As long as I'm "yay"ing, Nor bizness has a new address: http://norbizness.com/ and annika will shortly be a Munuvian! Next week or thereabouts you'll be able to find her at http://annika.mu.nu/. Cool beans!

Advice for the ladies: if you need to get a man's attention, pop the hood on your car. I did this to top off my windshield washer fluid last night and three brothers-in-law suddenly appeared. Sounds like a joke, doesn't it? How many brothers-in-law does it take to top off your windshield wiper fluid...? (My oil was fine, but they decided they needed to add some anti-freeze to the radiator...)

Alliance members need to tidy up their blogs (take the old newspapers out for recycling, sweep the rug and hide the beer) because Harvey will be doing inspection rounds next weekend. As a Navy vet, he will want to see everything ship-shape and Bristol fashion--particularly your Alliance logo and Evil Glenn quote. Quite a few blogs were tossed overboard after the last inspection, so if you are serious about defeating the Puppy Blender's death grip on the blogosphere, make sure your blog is up to code...

Well, I need to go check out this week's New Blog Showcase entries...

Posted by Susie at 10:13 AM | Comments (2)

January 16, 2004

Late entries and lame excuses

Being ill and now one step closer to the grave (thanks, Josh, for pointing that out in the comments) I have been neglecting my Alliance duties. My bad. So here is an attempt to play catch-up:

Lame excuse: I sat down at my computer to blog my ideas for better anti-war slogans, but before I could even log on to the internet the doorbell rang. In my head-cold-induced fogged-and-clogged mental state, I mistook the sound for the kitchen timer, and spent ten minutes trying to figure out what had finished cooking. By the time I realized that I hadn't been cooking anything, I had forgotten what exactly I had intended blogging about. Seeing everyone else's at HQ reminded me....

Better anti-war slogans:

In an effort to assist those less fortunate than ourselves (e.g. hippies, war-protesters, and Hollywood liberals) here are some simple, catchy and, most importantly, easily remembered anti-war slogans for future use...

Save the Baathists! (win valuable prizes...)

Saddam! Saddam! He's our man! If he can't kill you, nobody can!

Who needs freedom when can dissent? Oh, wait...

We love the smell of hypocrisy in the morning....

Hell no! We don't know! We don't think, either!

Ok, maybe they're not the best...but I've been sick...

Posted by Susie at 07:45 AM | Comments (3)

Assignment part 2

Evil Glenn's bedroom

You can tell a lot about a man by what he keeps close to him. Evil Glenn is no exception. And while at first glance it seems admirable that he has a shelf full of books next to his bed, a closer look reveals the truth. Who would keep 500 copies of this? A hobo-killing, puppy-blending, robot-dancing, Frank J.-punching vampire, that's who.

Posted by Susie at 07:43 AM | Comments (3)

Assignment part 3

War on Terror side benefits

While some may say that no good deed goes unpunished, others may find that some unintended consequences can be beneficial. Take, for example, the following side benefits of the War on Terror:

More Americans now know the correct spelling of "weasel".

Playing card sales have skyrocketed.

Just about everything we do now makes the EU "nervous." Cool!

Posted by Susie at 07:41 AM | Comments (0)

Happy Birthday....

...to me!!! Yep, it's once again the anniversary of my 23rd birthday, a date I have been celebrating for longer than I dare to admit. Despite the fact that I am under the weather I have every intention of bailing out of work early tonight to attend the big family bash for the January babies (two nieces and two nephews also have birthdays this month), and I will try to avoid too much hugging and kissing (we are a very huggy/kissy family--if I bump into one of my sisters at CVS an hour after we saw each other visiting mom, we kiss...) so as to avoid contaminating my family with this evil virus.

My brother PK is hosting, since two of the celebrants are his step kids, and rumor has it that there will be taco salad and birthday cake. Yummy!
I managed to get the kids presents before I got sick again, thank goodness. I have not been up to shopping these past three days.

Anyway, time to sing "Happy Birthday" to myself...you're welcome to join in if you want. Then I should get my beauty sleep...we 23-year-olds need to take care of ourselves!

Posted by Susie at 12:02 AM | Comments (23)

January 15, 2004

Susie's Directive #14

Everybody go visit Ith. She's trying to break 50K visitors before her two year anniversay and we all need to help out.

Here she talks about Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Pirates of the Carribean all in one post. Now that's talent!

Posted by Susie at 01:39 PM | Comments (1)

Wanted: original content

I'm before coffee and all clogged, but I need to post something to get back in the saddle again. I'm back! Back in the saddle again... Who did that song? I haven't heard it in a long time. Now it's going to replay in my head all day. I want to complain about all my cold symptoms, but you've heard it all before. I have more complaints about my computer and my inability to figure out how to do stuff, but ditto. The weather? same old, same old. School? Behind on my homework--what else is new?

I was going to check out the New Blog Showcase entries, but they're still last week's.

I was going to link to some cool stuff I read yesterday before my browser locked up, but I don't remember what it was or where I read it.

That leaves the last resort...pandering to my male audience and posting a boobie picture...

priceless1.jpg

Posted by Susie at 08:10 AM | Comments (8)

January 14, 2004

Crashy badness*

After sleeping most of the day I decided I would do a little surfing. Only Mozilla keeps locking up on me! Grrr... I know it's Bill Gates' fault, since he can't stand the idea of any other products being superior to his and has deliberately made it so Mozilla crashes in hopes people will blame Mozilla. But I KNOW Mozilla is a better browser and the problems are from the new Microsoft programs, not Mozilla, since it worked spectacularly prior to the "upgrade"....

I just don't know how to fix it!

It's good I don't have a web cam so Harvey can look at my bralessness since I've been crying in frustration and my eyes are all red and plouffy...not that he'd be looking at my eyes, anyway...

UPDATE: wandering through some Mozilla help pages I saw a thing about it locking up if your profile has gone bad and how to fix it. Well, I couldn't find the place where I was supposed to delete some thingie, so I just made myself a new profile (since the old one got overwritten by a netscape profile when I zigged instead of zagged and so I'd already lost my bookmarks and preferences and that's probably what was causing the trouble) and so far (knock on wood) I haven't locked up. I tried to install mozilla 1.5 (after uninstalling 1.4 as instructed at the download place) but it kept having network problems. Since I don't know what that means I just re-installed 1.4. It's times like this I wish I knew what the heck I was doing....

*title shamelessly stolen from Pixy Misa because I'm too sick to be creative and even when I'm not sick he still has better titles than I do...

Posted by Susie at 06:24 PM | Comments (4)

not again....

I'm alive. Sick again though. Crap.

Posted by Susie at 01:10 PM | Comments (5)

January 13, 2004

Phosphorescent Irish Skin

I'm still tweaking, trying to get used to the newishness of my new OS and browser. There are some preferences I originally set so long ago I don't recall how I did them anymore (font preference, for example--I forget which font it was I had for the desktop, and have been randomly switching to different ones occasionally. Haven't found the one I like yet). I did manage to neutralize the blue, however. It was that searing electric blue that burns your retinas...

I also did a little blog surfing after work last night and found out that my beloved Trey is not a fan of winter:

And you know what really makes me mad? That G.W. Bush hasn't done enough to prevent winter from being so cold all the time. His silly environmental programs to promote global warming are obviously not working and as a result good, hard-working Americans like myself are suffering.

Frank was chock full of his usual inane brilliant humor while I was offline.

Bill's blog has been co-opted by Wind Rider. This calls for a new tagline: "Now with 75% less suck."

Pardon me--I have more catching up to do! Since it's my Friday, I might stay up late after work tonight and blog for your reading pleasure...

Posted by Susie at 10:51 AM | Comments (1)

January 12, 2004

For the Geek in Some of Us

Well, I am WAY behind on my blog reading, and it'll probably take me two days to catch up, so if you haven't seen my dainty footprints at your blog recently fear not, I shall be stopping by. I'm also still trying to get my computer back into a livable condition....one of the things PK did was install a 10GB hard drive to replace my near-full 4 GB, and he changed the partitions so most (though thankfully not all) of my desktop shortcuts are pointing to the wrong drive... I had a hissy fit last night when I couldn't get Mega Solitare to load by clicking on the icon....I had to search high and low to find it and give it a new shortcut. I probably have about 20 shortcuts I'm going to have to do that for. Oh, joy.

Anyway, as promised, here's what Dr. Frankenstein my brother did to my PC:

Took out the 2X CD-ROM and replaced it with a 40X CD-ROM.

Upgraded the RAM from 128MB to 256MB.

"Upgraded" the OS from Windows 95 to Windows ME (I'm still not sure I can live with this--I really liked Win 95, preferring to keep it when Win 98 came out...).

Replaced the 4GB hard drive with a 10GB one.

Took out the 2MB PCI video card and replaced it with a 8MB AGP 4X one. (I have no idea. All I know is the fonts look funny now--but that could be the ME).

Took out the ISA sound card and put in a 16bit Soundblaster audio card.

Replaced the bad power suppy fan; discovered that the CPU fan was bad, too, and also replaced that.

It took him about 14 hours to do all this, including trips to the store for parts. He was going to bill me $700 for his labor, but I talked him into settling for being reimbursed for the stuff he didn't have laying around the garage....

So now my started-life-as-a-used-486 seems to have no remaining original components. Cool.

Posted by Susie at 11:38 AM | Comments (8)

Coming attractions

I have all sort of bloggy delights in store for my readers, including excerpts from my 19th century version of blogging (a journal written on paper!), and a listing of all the upgrades my computer received (for my geek readers). However, first, a vintage whine:

I don't like Windows ME!!!!!! I don't like IE 6!!!!! The tool bar now looks like Netscape, all my Mozilla bookmarks are gone, and the IE bookmarks, which survived, now open in a drop down instead of a sidebar like I like them too...

Plus, the MOST annoying of all--comments don't remember me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Auuuugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Susie at 09:52 AM | Comments (9)

Burn in H-E-double toothpicks!!!!!

68.173.7.113

the IP address of a low-life, bottom-feeding, scum-sucking, waste-of-freaking-oxygen.

All my readers need to add this IP to their banned list, or they may find their comments cluttered with pseudo-comments that are really ads for viagra, diet pills, et al.

UPDATE: Add this one, too: 213.24.38.69

Posted by Susie at 01:53 AM | Comments (3)

January 11, 2004

I'm back!!! (sort of)

Yay! I have a computer again! Yay! But I have to leave for work five minutes ago, so I'll be back after midinght.... Yay!!!!

Posted by Susie at 11:46 AM | Comments (1)

Caption Contest

You may (or may not) have noticed that I have been changing the captions on my adorable little toddle picture over there<-----------------. But I'm pretty much tapped out now. So, in the comments below, please help me out by supplying some witty and amusing captions I can use on a rotating basis. There might even be a prize for the funniest one(s)....

I'm going to leave this at the top for a week so my arrow points at the correct image.

Offer void in Massachusettes and Guam. No warranty is offered or implied. The decision of the judges is final. In the event of a tie, a toad will be ritually sacrificed and its entrails read. No mammals were harmed in the creation of this contest. Eat cookies, they're good for you....

Posted by Susie at 08:21 AM | Comments (43)

January 09, 2004

Curious Glenn goes to the Zoo--a Filthy Lie

This just in off the AP* news wire

--Memphis police reported the arrest of a renown law professor for breaking and entering, indecent exposure and cruelty to animals. The alleged perpetrator was arrested at 2 am in the llama exhibit at the Memphis Zoo. No explanation yet as to why police found a video camera, a leather mask and eight pounds of Godiva chocolate in the vicinity of the nude suspect.


*Absurd Pretenses

Posted by Susie at 12:20 PM | Comments (5)

A Quickie

I have to be quick because I'm not supposed to keep my computer turned on very long since without a fan it'll implode or melt or something. I found one more entry at the New Blog showcase that I found interesting Moveon hasn't earned the right to be angry. Unfortunately it's on bogsplot, and with the permalink problem it's a little difficult to find. However, if you scroll down a bit to the first entry for January 8th (which means it's on the bottom, just before Jan 7th) you should find it. It starts out "Must read for today:..."

Posted by Susie at 07:40 AM | Comments (2)

January 08, 2004

But I like cookies!!!

It had to happen eventually...I'm going to miss a day posting.

I have posted at least one entry every day since I began blogging, whether I had anything to say or not. A girl's gotta have some goal in her life, right?

Anyway, my computer fan died. And that's apparently a bad thing. So my brother is going to put in a new one. But, as long as he has the patient open, he's going to give me a bigger hard drive (oh, for the days when 4 GB was a huge amount of memory...) and do a few other tweaks and tune ups that I'm probably better off not knowing about (since I wouldn't understand them anyway), though he did say he was going to give me a better CD ROM drive (I currently have a 2x one, probably the last remaining original part from the 486 this started life as many years ago...). So some time this weekend my tower is going into his garage for surgery, and everything in memory is going to be removed and transferred or reinstalled to the new hard drive. (I hope he remembers to replace the fan while he's doing all that other stuff...). He said it may take "a day or two".

He warned me I was going to lose my cookies...

Posted by Susie at 01:32 PM | Comments (7)

Recommended reading

The delightful and charming Josh over at Quibbles and Bits has another suspenseful and twisted tale for your enjoyment. I suspect he read too much Poe as a child...

Posted by Susie at 07:52 AM | Comments (2)

January 07, 2004

I sing thy praises, Oh Trey!

I love Trey Givens. I love him more than ever.

Why's that, Susie? you wonder.

Because his blogroll is alphabetized correctly!

Look ye mere mortals and tremble in awe:

Miniluv
The Musings of Brian J. Noggle
Note-It Posts

Thank you, God, for Trey Givens!

Posted by Susie at 10:08 PM | Comments (2)

Wednesday means Prince spaghetti New Blog Showcase day

I don't know if the blogger is a liberal or a conservative, a republican or a democrat, but this entry at the New Blog Showcase made me laugh out loud. Some of the titles of other recent entries at Flummery include "Bill O'Reilly Wins Debate with Brick Wall", "Hitler Offended at Bush Comparison Ad" and "Sean Hannity Replaced by Tape Saying "Liberals Suck" Over and Over, No One Notices". Bookmark. Blogroll. Take more cough suppressant....

Looking at Flummery's blogroll, I think I have stumbled across the Democrat version of Frank J--which is probably the highest compliment I can give....

The only other Showcase entry so far is "You're Stupid," on the same subject as my 666th MT post.

Since these posts both have to do with something that's been on my mind lately, I thought I would expound on a topic near and dear to my heart--the difference between Republicans and Democrats.

This is something my dad explained to me when I was a young'un, and it's pretty simple:
Democrats want to consolidate power at the federal level. Republicans believe important issues should be decided at state level or below.

That's it. That's the real difference, and that's where all the strife arises, between the people who want Uncle Sam to control their lives, and people who want to control their own lives.

Yes, it's simplistic, but it is the core difference. The closer the government that's making the rules, the more accountable they are. And it's one of the reasons Republicans get so riled up over "judges legislating from the bench"--particularly Supreme Court justices who impose their opinion on the whole country. See it's one thing if the people of California decide that everyone must wear puce on Tuesdays. That's their right. It's another whole critter if the Big Nine get in on the act and say what's good for California is required for everybody, and we all have to wear puce on Tuesday, whether we like it or not. That's particularly annoying if we in Indiana had already outlawed the color puce, because it clashes with IU's colors...

So, if any of my readers happen to be Democrats, think about it--do you really want to have to wear puce on Tuesday just because they do in California?

Posted by Susie at 01:02 PM | Comments (1)

A Penance Proposal...

The Axis of Weasels seems to have started making noises as if they want on America's good side again. But we Catholics know that forgiveness requires penance. And although it would be satisfying to make Chirac walk to Washington barefoot in the snow and be scourged at the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, there are other possibilities....

France: To show their sincere repentance, all French persons must simultaneously strip naked and shout "Frank J rules! Buy his tee-shirt!"

Germany: All Germans must buy Frank J's tee-shirt.

Martin Sheen: Must call a press conference and, wearing a pink tutu and Spock ears shout "I'm a little tea pot! Whee!"

Michael Moore: Must supply original source documentation in the form of foot notes to every word in every book he's written. All copies currently in circulation will be recalled as defective (or labeled "Fictional" in large red letters).

Jimmy Carter: Must publicly admit that he was the worst President of the 20th century and give back his Nobel Peace Prize.

Barbra Streisand: Must convert her cliff top mansion to a homeless shelter.

George Clooney: Must become my scantily-clad sex slave and keep his opinions about politics to himself.

Susan Sarandon: Must legally change her first name to "Noodle" so as to cease bringing shame and dishonor to an otherwise fabulous name...

There you have it. And once they have all completed their penance, they must write "I'm sorry I'm an idiot" in blue permanent marker on their foreheads...


Posted by Susie at 11:03 AM | Comments (7)

More information than you probably need....

The Carnival of the Vanities is up and there are many good posts to read. My favorite was actually the non-link--

Gary Cruse offers no link, but does provide an interesting observation on this Independent article...

"We are going to have to re-evaluate the listenership of Radio 4. I would have expected this result if there had been a poll in The Sun. Do we really want a law that says you can slaughter anyone who climbs in your window?" --Stephen Pound

To which, Mr. Cruse replies: "MP Mr Pound has stumbled onto Robert Mugabe's Zimbabwean Solution. Rather than change the law, replace the electorate."


I laughed so hard I started coughing (lingering remnants of the recent illness) and coughed so hard I wet myself...
I guess that makes Gary's remark wet-your-pants-funny...

Posted by Susie at 09:38 AM | Comments (2)

January 06, 2004

That explains it!

Since this is MT entry #666, I guess it's appropriate to the topic at hand:

I am stupid.

I never would have known if not for the insightful (or perhaps I mean inciteful--we stupid folks get our homophones confused) words of a man by the name of Neil Starkman. Despite my 140 IQ, despite my BA magna cum laude, despite the fact that I'm over half way to a Master's Degree, despite the fact that I have a fairly large vocabulary and I'm not afraid to use it, despite the fact that I only have to take my shoes off to calculate really big numbers, according to Mr. Starkman I am stupid. This is because, he asserts, only stupid people approve of President Bush.

Thanks to CD of Semi-Intelligent Thoughts for pointing me to John Hawkins' excerpt of Starkman's column in a Seattle newspaper. Otherwise I would have continued in ignorance of my stupidity....

Posted by Susie at 04:25 PM | Comments (6)

If it's Tuesday, this must be ...

The Bonfire is crackling noisily at Boots and Sabers. As usual, a few bloggers have gotten their posts confused, and tossed them on the Bonfire when they should have sent them to the Carnival. Unfortunately, I wasn't one of those....

However, as Jim points out in the comments to the previous post, it's next week's Carnival at Snooze Button Dreams that really matters...talk about Pressure!!! Now I have to post something good to send (in solidarity with my munu brethern....).

Once again, LeeAnn has the best quizzes...


Take the Affliction Test Today!

Posted by Susie at 09:42 AM | Comments (3)

January 05, 2004

Monday morning assortment

I've been meaning to thank LeeAnn for the inspiration to put my picture on my blog. Ok, other bloggers (like Tiger) have their picture posted, and I think I've even seen a few other who use their baby pictures, but LeeAnn's is just so darned cute! And I needed a little cuteness to counteract accentuate the crispness of the new design...

One of my next few posts will be number six hundred and sixty-six. Ever since I saw "The Omen" that number has freaked me out, kind of the way some people are about the number thirteen. I'm just going to have to console myself with the fact that MT isn't counting all my bogsplot posts, and the actual post of that number is well past and will probably never be known....

The Frankanator hath returned!!!!! And there was much rejoicing, and the people did feed upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp and large....

I've got a post I think I want to send to the Carnival of the Vanities this week, but I can't find out where it's at! (I checked the last one, H&H, and it didn't say). Anybody know?

Posted by Susie at 05:34 AM | Comments (5)

January 04, 2004

Almost to salvation...

School starts again tomorrow...yay! We ran out of bottled water to sell on Friday, and Pepsi syrup yesterday. We only have about half of our usual candy selection left. We still have popcorn, but the kettle keeps falling apart so we've been behind on popping for three days....
Tomorrow I am expecting a plumber, a popper repairman, an emergency candy delivery, an emergency Pepsi delivery (which I expected on FRIDAY but never materialized...they're going to find a nasty message on their voice mail tomorrow morning!) and an emergency bathroom soap and paper towel delivery. I think there's one more, but I can't remember what it is....

I negelected to mention that the owner showed up unexpectedly Friday afternoon while we were swamped...it took me this long to get over the trauma! He wants me to hire someone to paint the bathrooms and wash the plate glass windows every week, but to skip the electrician for the ladies' room light fixture that's out. I still haven't gotten the new popper doors he told me to....

It's very difficult operating a business which runs when the rest of the world is closed...

Posted by Susie at 09:52 AM | Comments (6)

January 03, 2004

And another thing...

How's this for lazy posting? A copy and paste of my post at Alliance HQ:

...yep! New Blog Showcase voting reminder!!! I was going to let it slide this week, since last week's vote for Banning Smokers carried over, but my blog buddy Harvey gave me a gentle nudge (where it was needed most, I might add) and I stopped by to look at the candidates. Thanks, Harv! I found a lovely rant called "So Your Heroes Have Always Been ... Serial Killers?" at The Surly Guy. How can I not cast a vote for a man who knows that The Big Lebowski is "Best. Movie. Ever."?

Posted by Susie at 10:38 AM | Comments (1)

Remark

If you've noticed that I've spiffed the place up a little, it's all due to my fabulous designer-- the Barkeep of Madfish Willie's and Hammerhead Blog Designs. Some fresh paint, a few throw pillows and voila! If you like it, head over and toss some change in his tip jar. If you don't, then, uh, dont.

Posted by Susie at 01:14 AM | Comments (2)

January 02, 2004

Ode to crumbling infrastructure

There was something I was going to post about before I head into work, but danged if I can recall what it was....

So, instead I will make a list of things I need to to when I get into work today.

#1 call a plumber. One of the sinks in the west men's rest room is clogged, and the faucet in the sink in the janitor's closet won't turn off anymore. It's like a steam room in there, and all our stored paper products are damp....

#2 call an electrician. I almost lost Ass. Man. when he tried to change the bulbs in the over-head sink fixture in the east women's rest room and got a severe shock.

#3 call our supplier to arrange for the return of two boxes of stale candy we received. Interestingly, one of them is the exact same box I returned as stale in October--Ass. Man.'s handwritten "received" date is right on the box in red sharpie...I suspect I will point this out to someone while I have them on the phone...

There are a few more items on my to-do list on my desk, but I can't recall them at the moment. New Year. Same Problems. (That's not a complaint!!!!! I like having the same problems over and over! I really do!!!!)

Posted by Susie at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)

Evil Glenn's Puppy Happy New Year...a filthy lie

It was about 11:45 on Wednesday night when I had turned off all the breakers and was ready to head home from the theater. I'd only worked about a six hour shift, but since it was my first day back after being sick I was looking forward to a cup of hot tea and my comfy bed...

Every night as I leave I give each of the four front entry doors a good yank to make sure that they're properly latched. The last door came open. It must not have slammed properly after the last customer. I pushed it tightly closed, and then gave it another yank--and it opened again. Sassenfrassenrassen Cashier! She must have forgotten to lock this one with the little bent wrench thingee we use to lock the doors! Sigh....so much for getting home in time to see the ball drop in Time's Square!

Back inside with me, digging for my keys to unlock the Ticket Booth, where we keep the little bent wrench thingee we use to lock the doors. There was enough light shining in from the deserted parking lot to see what I was doing, so I didn't have to go back into the darkened hallway to the breaker box and turn on the lights. I unlocked the Ticket Booth and went inside. I sat down on the Cashier's chair and pulled open the drawer where we keep the little bent wrench thingee.

The night noises of the theater were very familiar to me. There is the crunchity grating noise that the ice maker makes. There is the occasional gasping hiss from the CO2 lines. There is the steady drip of water from the leaking roof over the concessions counter. A few times there was the unrelenting roaring from the possessed toilets...
I had not, however, previously heard the faint, high-pitched squeak that startled me into dropping the little bent wrench thingee back into the drawer....

I looked up to see long, claw-like fingernails sliding slowing across the glass front window of the Ticket Booth. Half a second ago there had been no one anywhere near the theater. Now there was black-clad figure standing a few inches away from me, only the window separating us. I was too frightened to scream, although I did I gasp in horror--which caused me to go into a coughing fit. I rummaged though my pockets for a tissue, and found one just as I hacked up [deleted: colorful yet disgusting description of viscous bodily fluids common in cold sufferers]. As the spasms subsided, I looked up to see the dark figure patiently waiting, the claw-like nails tapping a rhythmic tattoo on the glass. Unsure of what else to do, I leaned forward to the "speaker" and asked "Can I help you?"

"May I help you," the figure responded in a raspy baritone.

"No--I'll be ok, it's just this cold," I replied. "What can I do for you?"

"What may I do for you," he said.

O-kay...he was correcting my grammar. Got it now. "How may I help you?" I asked.

He nodded abruptly, as if satisfied. "One ticket, please," he said.

Huh. "I'm sorry...we're closed," I managed.

He paused reflectively before responding, "Can I use your phone?"

Naw...too easy. "I'm sorry, I can't let you do that. There's a pay phone across the street," I said.

"I'm really thirsty--can you let me have some water?" he persisted.

"We're closed, I'm sorry," I told him.

"Look, I need to use the men's room. Won't take me a minute..."

I was shaking my head in refusal when the New Year's fireworks started to go off. Startled, the man jerked suddenly just as the headlights of a passing car lit his visage for the first time... It was Evil Glenn!!!!

"You! The Puppy Blender!" I cried out. "You're a vampire and you're trying to get me to invite you in!"

"It seemed the easiest way..." he murmured.

I reached into the drawer for the little bent wrench thingee. "Drat you, Glenn Reynolds!" I muttered as I headed over to the unlocked door. He glided along on the other side of the glass, watching my every move as I used the little bent wrench thingee to lock the last door, and then returned it to the drawer in the Ticket Booth.

"Shoo! Go on! Go home!" I told him through the glass. "You're done here!"

"Planning on spending the night there?" he wondered. "Doesn't look very comfortable..."

"Nope! I'm heading home to hot tea and a comfy bed, so get lost!"

He chuckled evilly. "As soon as you step outside, you know, you're fair game..."

I chuckled evilly back. "I've got a cold. I've spent the last three days drinking homemade garlic soup...."

Posted by Susie at 01:03 AM | Comments (2)

Late but not forgotten

I missed the deadline for the Alliance Assignment on finding ways to make Saddam talk, but I've been sick....and I was actually going to write this post when I got home from work last night, but the need for a nap was more pressing than posting.

Although I am doing better, I am by no means well; I just hope I am not contagious because I wouldn't wish this bug on my worst enemy--not even Saddam Hussein!

In fact, that probably would have been an excellent way to make him give it all up. Had he seen me on Monday, all the Allies would need do is threaten to let me sneeze on him and he'd be spilling every bean he had! Biological weaponry--immoral, but effective...

Posted by Susie at 12:25 AM | Comments (1)

January 01, 2004

Aged and Confused

I gave up New Year's Resolutions decades ago. If there's something I want to change about myself, I start doing it when the epiphany hits rather than wait to put it on a list. I also haven't been to a New Year's Eve party in longer than I can remember--not only because I'm in retail and so am usually working, but also because most drunks aren't as funny as they think they are. And I suppose that's where the idea of a New Year's Resolution came from--people becoming all maudlin and introspective after hoisting a few and deciding that they were going to change things by next year, or waking up with a killer hangover and resolving to never drink that much again...

I realized this morning, however, after reflecting upon my dreams (I was a contestant in a game where I had to identify celebrities in order of their age, youngest first), and factoring in recent conversations I've had, remarks I've made, and statements I haven't made, that I am overly concerned with my age. Or, perhaps more acurately, I'm afraid of being judged (prejudged?) by the age I am going to be on my next birthday. Which is rather funny, really, considering it's not a landmark age like 30 or 40, just another prime number--greater than either of those, but less than their sum ;) [No Daniel, don't list the possibilites, thanks...we'll let the math-challenged struggle though it on their own!].

Obviously, I must secretly consider myself to be old. Why else would I be concerned that others might think that? Some days I feel old (especially rainy ones when my old knee injury aches) but most of the time I'm probably 23 (another prime number, and an excellent age)--until the last few months, anyway, with the realization that my next birthday is not 24...

Which brings us back to New Year's resolutions...I still don't have any. But I may have a birthday resolution--stick around for a few weeks to find out...

Posted by Susie at 08:14 AM | Comments (5)