March 31, 2004

SPAM Witches

I'm getting ready for a marathon paper-writing session (despite my sore throat, headache, cough, fever, chills, and body aches) but before I start I feel compelled to warn everyone about a new and pernicious comment spam--this particular lowlife scum calls itself "Kevin Ford" with a URL of kevinford.t35.

If you have MT blacklist, add this sucker asap!!! And DO NOT venture there, especially if you are using IE!!!! I made the mistake of checking out that innocuous-looking url while using my IE browser, and the assault of pop-ups, cookie and downloads rivaled D-Day. There were at least three attempts to get me to download gator.

Grrr...off to run my AdAware now....

Posted by Susie at 07:16 PM | Comments (3)

This one's for Ted

I always look forward to and enjoy reading Ted's Air Force Blue posts. Ted, I think you'll enjoy this post at Frank's. Make sure you read the comments...

Posted by Susie at 09:51 AM | Comments (2)

Current Assignment

Today's Alliance Assignment

Your Precision Guided Humor Assignment this week lets you channel your inner hippy to answer the question:

What benefits could America receive by appeasing the terrorists?

6. No need to worry about the gay marriage thing--all homosexuals will be stoned.
5. All the litigation re: "In God We Trust" will go away--since all money will say "In Allah We Trust"
4. The Amish = "Dangerous Radicals"
3. Jerry Falwell will be the new Eldridge Cleaver
2. Death penalty for Fashion Statements

And the number one benefit from caving to terrorists:

1. Finally, no more jokes about women drivers!

Posted by Susie at 02:31 AM | Comments (5)

March 30, 2004

Drumroll please...

Bill Cimino is desperately seeking 327 comments today, so, in the interest of charity to the content-impaired, please drop by and help him out.

Anyway, by overwhelming majority (2 to 0), the gun button wins. Yay!

Posted by Susie at 10:43 AM | Comments (2)

Sometimes it's harder to think of a title than to write a post

Yay! The Trickle works a treat! Whatever that means--I read too many British mystery novels, I guess, since I pick up the slang.

Anyway, I think I must have spent too much time reading Rocket Jones the past few days, because I seem to be getting sick. Next time, Ted, could you please try to sneeze away from the keyboard? Thanks.


This one?
fanclubbutton3.jpg

or this one?
fanclubbutton.jpg

Posted by Susie at 09:42 AM | Comments (2)

March 29, 2004

Trickle Me Elmo

If this works the way it should, you will be reading this long after I have gone to work and long before I come home. Magic. It's cooler than you knew!

Posted by Susie at 05:04 PM | Comments (9)

Nothin' up my sleeve--Presto!

Well, thanks to the Munuvian Underground World Domination Tour 2004 Spring Membership Drive, I've finally broken down and abandoned my hand entry of my Munuvian blogroll listing and gone for the script thingy to keep track of all the new conscripts. If I like how it turns out, I might finally get around to installing the Bear's Alliance script thingy, too...
Magic is cool.

Posted by Susie at 11:20 AM | Comments (7)

Most excellent

Ted valiantly battled his flu-induced lethargy to post this week's Bestofme Symphony. There are some great posts, so scamper over now...

Posted by Susie at 10:16 AM | Comments (0)

March 28, 2004

Post Script

Dean made a good point in the comments to my previous post about editing troll comments to say embarrassing things. My blog idol, Frank (whose new fan blog can be found here), does it occasionally. The thing is, while my editing of its comments might be amusing to me, depriving the world of its idiotic babbling denies my readers the amusement value to be found in its obvious frustration, and its willful blindness to logic and common sense. Plus I needed something to post.

Posted by Susie at 11:36 AM | Comments (1)

March 27, 2004

Neener neener!!!!

I got a troll and you didn't! In the comments to this post, the amazingly articulate Rob G. of 66.42.122.47 opines:

I can't wait for your lying fascist bogus potus to go down in November... just counting the days, you conformist, willfully ignorant clowns.
P.S. You forgot to put your mutual half-brain back into the jar of salty brine...

Sigh...I know, Rob G--it's terrible the way we won't admit that Neil Armstrong's moon landing was really filmed in the Arizona desert, that the government is covering up for the alien race that is abducting people to conduct anal probes, or that the National Enquirer's photos of the amazing bat boy were not photoshopped. But what you don't seem to realize is that the government is paying us to pretend to be "conformist, willfully ignorant clowns". That so-called "tax break" that GW pushed through? It was REALLY just a fancy accounting ploy to cover up the billions of dollars in bribes the government gives out to members of the VRWC.

So while I sit here on my yacht drinking pina coladas served by a scantily-clad waiter earning only 85 cents an hour to do my evil bidding, you have to hunch over a germy public library keyboard to surf the net and leave your insightful remarks--but only until the stormtroopers in black helicopters swoop down to pick you up and take you to the Patriot Act-endorsed re-education camp, muhahaha!

Oh--and that tinfoil hat you thought was going to protect you from the government's mind-control rays? It was made by ALCOA, an evil corporation that has been secretly embedding brain cancer causing material into its products since the 1950s....

Posted by Susie at 09:11 AM | Comments (14)

March 26, 2004

Because I said so!

I've been playing with my pink all morning and I'm still not satisfied. Why does it look like the color I want here, but when I put it in my style sheet it's way darker or oranger or purpler? The darn rebuilding takes so long, too! I wish MT had a "preview" feature like typepad does, where you can see what it's gonna look like before you rebuild. Um, Mr. Hypothetical? Can we add that to the list?

Anyway, you all are just going to have to deal with the new hot pink until I get some more time to play with colors. And you'll like it, too, by golly!

UPDATE: Since I can't seem to find a pink I am happy with, and the few yellows I tried were too...yellow...I've gone with the minty green for now. Next up--try to figure out why the dividers in the "show comments" are lovely in IE but show up as gray depressions in Mozilla....

Posted by Susie at 12:05 PM | Comments (14)

Another Alliance Assignment

Not everyone is aware of it, but Evil Glenn is actually something of an athlete (some of those hobos can be pretty difficult to capture for whacking). Because of his celebrity, he does have to adopt a disguise occasionally, as was the case recently when he took off a few days from blogging to compete in the Sioux City, Iowa Tour de Farce...View image

Posted by Susie at 08:38 AM | Comments (3)

March 25, 2004

Invective Alert: I'm pissed

A sick, twisted bitch calling herself "courtlady" is trying to stir up trouble for my dear friend notGeorge. Somebody should have chlorinated the gene pool before her aunt and uncle married each other and became her parents.

Part of me is laughing my head off at her stupidity:

I'm not sure anyone is really interested in your sick fascination with your own navel...

How dense does someone have to be to not "get" the joke of turning the phrase "navel gazing" into a literal activity?

But mostly I'm just pissed at the vile crap she's spewing:

or your recent post "March 06, 2004
I went. I saw, I drank, I drank some more, I told some jokes, I came home." How did you get home Tiger after consuming all that beer.........fly? Maybe the local law enforcement also needs to keep an eye on you closer and see if you can get one of those DUI's on your record like the young man who's history you chose to air in public. If elected to office, one of your main duties would be to prosecute DUI offenders. I would drum you out of the courtroom before you even got started. Now sling some more mud about the mistakes of others and I will quote you several more of your own indiscretions. You see, there are many people in this town that you think are your supporters and friends when the fact is, everything that comes out of your babbling mouth is recorded for future use. Keep talking, you are good at sticking your foot in your mouth.
Looks to me like he had two drinks--and they were probably Dr. Pepper, knowing his affinity for that beverage. But even if they were two beers, or two scotches, or a gallon of gatorade, notice how in her mind, that makes him a drunk?

This, of course, was rather telling:

Why do you continue to attack "your opponent, his family, and his dope smoking biker buddies" when you do not have the foggiest idea just how many citizens of this area are in fact kin to your opponent, you are so stupid that you do not realize that some of the most prominent citizens and elected officials are members of the motorcycle club and in fact would like to see your face rearranged for your vile comments about them, and last but not lease[sic], there are a great many people in the Republican Party who cringed when you filed to run because you are a disgrace to the community as a whole...

Obviously, she's "kin" to these redneck mouth-breathers stalwart fellows who seem to be "prominent citizens" and "elected officials" as well as bikers--sorry, members of a "motorcycle club"--who want to see the rearragement of my friend's face. Why else would the humorless twit take such glee in misquoting, twisting, and drawing sick conclusions from notGeorge's blog entries?

My dad always told me, "Obscenity is in the mind of the beholder." This clueless raisin has the filthiest mind I've come across in a long time...

classlesscourtwomyn: FOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE: notGeorge fisks the troll! It is beauteous to behold...

Posted by Susie at 12:25 PM | Comments (2)

Follow that cab!

Frank has the definitive Roadmap to Peace in the Middle East. I just wish he'd used a Sharpie™...

Posted by Susie at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)

March 24, 2004

With a little help from my friends...

My pal the Bartender (yes, proprietor of the raunchiest bar in the blogosphere) sent me the script for the "show comments" thingy that all the cool kids have, and I think I actually managed to paste it into my main template without fractulating my defribulator. Yay!

Now I just need a few comments to see if it's working... (hint, hint!)

Thanks, Barkeep!!!! You're the greatest!

Posted by Susie at 11:04 PM | Comments (12)

What's in a name?

I've been catching up with my blog reading. I am way behind here, between work and school and life and the Bestofme Symphony (which, by the way, is at Rocket Jones next week, so send Ted your links early, mmmkay? He needs to know how much pizza to order to feed everybody...)

Aside to ozguru--just pick an old post of yours or somebody else's that you liked and email the link to bestofme@jpeacock.net--there's no screening process (but no prizes, neither!) I recommend you submit this one....

Anyway, there's tons of stuff out there about the various "Peace Protests" last weekend, and a lot of bloggers are talking about each other, as usual. There are the usual quizzes, of course. And the Bonfire.

So there's lots of good stuff for you all to read...shoo! I'm done.

Oh, except to tell Bill to get WindRider to change Tiger's link to Read My Lips at http://tig.mu.nu/....gotta protect notGeorge from the Puritan Gestapo....

Posted by Susie at 12:51 PM | Comments (2)

March 23, 2004

Dude, that's just totally awesome!

I'm glad everyone enjoyed the Bestofme Symphony! I had fun compiling it.

Before I forget, though, I want to point everyone to a post that totally rocks. If you ever get frustrated on how to explain to some numskull why we don't take the time to understand terrorists and what they really want, just memorize this answer from the Sage of Munuvia, Pixy Misa.

Pixy, you rock, Dude! Totally...

Posted by Susie at 09:47 AM | Comments (17)

March 22, 2004

Bestofme Symphony #16

Frostbite Falls Gazette

Volume XII Issue 3

March 22, 2004___________________________________35 cents

Bullwinkle J. Moose muses that "Because we're soaking in it, we don't realize what a grip the baby boomers have on today's culture." Gary Cruse elaborates.

Rocket J. Squirrel wants to hear tale of love and beauty (and learn how to get some action of his own). Jim provides the recipe.

bullwinkle.gif     rocky.gif


Natasha Fatale wonders "What happens when demand just doesn't exceed supply, it exceeds coherent?" LeeAnn supplies the answer.

Boris Badenov deliberates "What's French for vulture?" and finds that Feste knows.

borisandnatasha.jpg  peabody_sherman.jpg

Peabody considers abandoning his secret identity as a jewel thief. Too late! Pixy Misa reveals all...

Sherman wants to know if terrorism is a disease. J. Fielek discusses the treatment.

Dudley Do-Right commemorates an anniversary. Graham adds insightful commentary.

Horse is led to water. The Bartender makes him drink.

dudley.jpg

Snidely Whiplash ponders what to do when hippies get between you and where you want to be. Harvey offers advice.

Inspector Fenwick asks "Time to rethink that life of crime?" Triticale discusses why.

Nell Fenwick ponders On Being an LDS Female Scientist. Fly Killa adds her two cents. [It's bogsplot, so look for the Dec 15th entry.]


fearless leader.jpg
Fearless Leader says "Tanks for the memories." The Commissar explains.

Mr. Big prefers the shadows, but Rob shows him the light.

Mr. Knowitall considers Hutton fallout and its affect on the Beeb. Jonathan Pearce reports.

Captain Peachfuzz mulls the joy he gets from traveling all over Hell's Half Acre. Kiril goes along for the ride.

Aesop may have the moral, but GEBIV has the tale of two banjos

Aesop Jr queries "Where is Christmas?" SilverBlue wonders as well.
aesop.jpg

Edgar and Chauncey discuss the Ten Commandments and PMS. Nic and Victor referee.

The Janitor tries to sweep it under the rug, but Tuning Spork has the skinny on the true identity of Deep Throat.

The Fractured Fairy Tales Fairy is looking for a fun way to spend her day off. Mike has a suggestion.

Finally, the Narrator considers the merits of a liberal education. Susie (that's me!) provides examples.

end.gif

Posted by Susie at 12:39 AM | Comments (19)

March 21, 2004

Grrrr, she muttered

I'm getting ready to head out for work, and decided to check my email for Symphony submissions (we're almost to twenty so far! cool!). Auuugh!!! My webmail page won't load. Sigh. The good news is, it's "a known issue." The bad news is, they don't have a time frame for fixing the problem. Luckily I have a draft post of the submissions so far. Everybody keep your fingers crossed that I can get my email again when I get home at midnight tonight, otherwise we may have to have a Symphony in Two Parts....

Posted by Susie at 12:08 PM | Comments (0)

It's a good thing I don't have a basketball jones...

Well, my system for picking basketball teams has failed me, and I'm pretty much out of the playoffs. Looks like very few cute mascots will make it to the final four this year. Guess I'll have to be satisfied with having Harvey on top of me...

Posted by Susie at 10:35 AM | Comments (4)

March 20, 2004

Mu ha ha ha

For the moment, I am alone in #1 place in the basketball pool. Cool!

Posted by Susie at 08:19 AM | Comments (2)

March 19, 2004

Quick Reminder...

...that I am the Hostess for the 16th Bestofme Symphony, and have only received 4 (yes, FOUR!!!) entries!!!!

So, if you have a post that's at least two months old which you believe did not get all the adulation it deserved, send the link to bestofme@jpeacock.net and I'll get it. I need it in my box possession by midnight Eastern Sunday. (That's Sunday night, not Saturday night, in case you were wondering...)

Ok, let's just say 11pm Central time Sunday. And if you can't find anything of your own to promote, dig through the archives of a friend....

Posted by Susie at 11:13 PM | Comments (3)

The seamonkey has my money

Well, my weekend just flew by! Here it is the start of another work week, and, as usual, I didn't get anything done. Plus, I don't have anything to blog about--I blame Bill--he cursed me. Paul's right, I think Bill's blog does need a exorcism, because the suckage is contagious...

So far, my extremely scientific method of choosing NCAA playoff teams based on the cuteness of their mascots has paid off--I have eleven points, and am tied for first in Alliance Beer Madness! The downside is, there are only four stalwart souls participating, and two of them are tied with me for first....

Yesterday was PK's birthday, and he has chosen 22 as the age for which we celebrated the anniversary. This is good, since he's younger than I, and, as we all remember, I am 23....We went out to dinner to celebrate, and I had a beer for the thrid consecutive day. Does this mean I am becoming an alcoholic?

Posted by Susie at 10:06 AM | Comments (4)

March 18, 2004

Another Alliance Assignment

Evil Glenn's St. Paddy's Day was rather typical--he drank some green puppy shakes, whacked a few hobos, and took the day off...rumor has it he's heading to Antarctica to restock his supply of penguin porn...

Posted by Susie at 11:50 AM | Comments (3)

Raising the tone of the place

My arena football post can be found here.

Hey, somebody needs to help WindRider reduce the suckage at Bloviating Inanitiies.

Posted by Susie at 11:07 AM | Comments (1)

March 17, 2004

Yo! Listen up!

Toga party at Bill's blog. Come on over to laugh and point! Oh, and be sure to read my contribution....

Posted by Susie at 03:33 PM | Comments (1)

Cashews or Pecans?

This week's Alliance assignment is to discover the real reason France refused to authorize force in response to Sadaam's non-compliance with the U.N. resolution 1441.

The answer is simple--they didn't like the number 1441. That was the year that Flemish painter Jan van Ecyk died, which reminded them of the fact that Flanders and England had France in a "nutcracker" for much of the Hundred Years War, which brought to mind all sorts of unpleasant images pertaining to "nuts" being "cracked."

And you know how Frenchmen are about their nuts....

Posted by Susie at 02:38 PM | Comments (3)

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!! or, drunken blogging 101

In honor of my Irish ancestors (and a horrific day at work) I am blogging with my trusty beer glass to hand. It did contain Newcastle Brown Ale, but alas! I drank it all down. It's very smooth. And, because I do not drink as often as my Irish blood would wish, I am not immune to the effects of a small quantity of alcohol...translation: I'm buzzed on one glass.

But hey, that's more for me, right?

So I now have started my next and last glass, which I will nurse. If I can. It tastes really good. And it was only a pint bottle anyway, so two glasses is all she wrote. Sigh....

Anyway, this is my 800th post. Yay! Sometime soon I intend to blog about the arena football game I attended, and do my Alliance "homework," but first, a whine:

Don't you hate it when you try to fix a problem and that causes two more problems and before you know it you've forgotten what it was you were trying to fix in the first place, and then you find the keys after all? I do too.

There's actually more to that story, but the room is slightly akilter. Oddly, I seem to be a better typist than when I am sober. Or do I just think I am? This is why I do not drink very often--because when one is blotto, one loses one's sense of proportion. And frequently items of apparel.

Silly spell-check! doesn't think "akilter" is a word! I bet it doesn't know cattywhompuss either!!!! Ha ha! I was right!!! Silly spell check!!!

I am typing very well for someone whose lips are numb....

Hey! Where'd my beer go? Dang!

Don't worry--it's my weekend eve, and I am already home so I don't have to drive. I think I should probably drink more often, so that I

nighty night

Posted by Susie at 12:49 AM | Comments (6)

March 16, 2004

All kinds of stuff important information

I'm way behind on my blog announcement obligations. For example, I've been mean to point out that Tiger's given his blog a make-over, and it looks mah-velous! And, as an added bonus, the new look doesn't jump around when you scroll! Yay!

We also have two new Munuvians to aid in Pixy Misa's quest to conquer the blogosphere, Ilyka Damen and Being American in T.O. Yay!

I also was tricked into am slated to be the hostess for the next Bestofme Symphony. If you have a post that's at least two months old which you believe did not get all the adulation it deserved, send the link to bestofme@jpeacock.net and I'll get it. (I don't know how it works, I think gnomes deliver the emails to me when I'm sleeping--you need to ask Jim if they are union gnomes or scabs, because he hired 'em.)

Harvey is a bad boy.

Frank has a new T shirt.

And Bill Whittle has posted. Yay! (If anyone else is reminded of South Park's Underpants Gnomes, please let me know, so I don't feel so left fieldish....)

Posted by Susie at 11:29 AM | Comments (7)

Guess I'm not as conservative as I thought...

Thanks to Pixy I learned

NW-You would feel most at home in the Northwest region. You advocate a large degree of economic and personal freedom. Your neighbors include folks like Ayn Rand, Jesse Ventura, Milton Friedman, and Drew Carey, and may refer to themselves as "classical liberals," "libertarians," "market liberals," "old whigs," "objectivists," "propertarians," "agorists," or "anarcho-capitalist."

Politopia

pol map.jpg

Posted by Susie at 11:08 AM | Comments (5)

Well, this is quite a whack on the noggin

Who knew? Not I, until dear Pixy emailed me, and Tiger and Windrider blogged about it. I will try and remain your beloved humble Susie, but it's going to be tough.

Posted by Susie at 10:38 AM | Comments (4)

March 15, 2004

Fighting the Good Fight

Thanks to my ever-vigilant brother PK I have learned that the battle against continental drift is being waged successfully by The Society for the Prevention of Plate Techtonics. Be sure to admire the photos of their work in the field, such as this one of precise measurements of a fault line being taken. I applaud these modern day Don Quixotes pioneers!!!

Posted by Susie at 09:53 AM | Comments (3)

March 14, 2004

More Movie Magic (?)

Well, with the assistance of my brother (actually, I described the problem and went to work and when I came home it was all better), my crappy digital camera was finally persuaded to upload the photos I took of some film cans at work. These two are actually the best of the lot.

Here is a movie waiting in the lobby for pick up:

cans.jpg

And here is a picture of empty cans and reels (because the film has been made up and is on a platter for exhibition):

open cans.jpg

That little white blur near the bottom of the cans is a papermate pen I added for scale. And, in the background you can just make out the gray box that one studio uses to ship its films.

If you're very good, I may take pictures of a broken seat or the ice machine...

Posted by Susie at 12:40 AM | Comments (6)

March 13, 2004

Classic Kvetch

I'm getting really tired of school. I only have three classes to go once I finish this one, though, so I'm 2/3 to my degree! Yay! When I did my undergrad I only had a part time job, and school was my full time job. Now I have a full time job, and the classes are much harder and more time-consuming. Sigh. I think youth really is wasted on the young...

Posted by Susie at 07:49 AM | Comments (2)

March 12, 2004

Once more into the breach, dear friends...

Well, even though I thought there were a few things that needed improvement (like introduction, body and conclusion--especially conclusion) I submitted my paper anyway because I was sick of it. Sometimes you just have to get rid of whatever's hanging over your head and go on to the next Herculean chore--like the laundry.

Anyway, today, as every Friday, starts my work week. I'm sure you can all deduce how happy and excited I am to be facing five more fun-filled days of grouchy customers, whiny clerks, and disintegrating equipment.

Which reminds me! We truly are the Technology Free Zone™! We had our sprinkler system inspected the other day, and it turns out our fire alarm is operated by water! Yep! It's true! The sprinklers turn on, and water runs though the alarm bell, setting it off! Is that completely 19th century or what??? I feel so...retro...

Posted by Susie at 11:14 AM | Comments (3)

March 11, 2004

Whew!

Got my paper done. Just need to let it ferment a little then proof read it before I submit it. Then comes the twelve page research paper and the 9 page take-home test...I love school (not!)...

Posted by Susie at 07:15 PM | Comments (0)

March 10, 2004

More homework avoidance activity

From the email joke file:

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player; the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton said, "I am the wife of the former U.S. President, a Senator from New York, and a potential future president.

And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America's people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, Wesley Clark, said, "I'm a General in the Army of the United States of America". I am also going to be my parties nominee for President. So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country well, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."

The girl said, "That's okay. There's a parachute left for you. America's smartest woman took my schoolbag."

Posted by Susie at 10:59 PM | Comments (4)

susie is a plott hound and will tree both squirrels and raccoon

I have a six page paper due tomorrow night, so naturally I am playing on the internet. Thanks to LeeAnn, I have found the marvels of Googlism!!

Look at all the cool stuff I found out about myself!

susie is technically a horse
susie is one of the most patient horses in the barn
susie is afraid of boris then either she is timid or he is a vampire
susie is a sexpot and a flirt
susie is getting roughed up by this lung fei guy
susie is obedience trained and
susie is too young and too inexperienced for jack
susie is overrun with mice
susie is receiving the missing enzyme through regular infusions and her condition has stabilized except for her lungs

and this one, which is no surprise at all:

susie is the bestest


Posted by Susie at 10:21 PM | Comments (6)

Idle blogs are the devil's playthings...

The comment party is still going strong over at the Bartender's, but it's getting a little crowded and crazy over there, so I went looking for another place to defile unwind and found unattended posts here and here.

Harvey! Matt! Bring the beer kegs here, I've got the pretzels and Reddi-Wip!
Bill! Windrider! Party in Paul's comments!

Posted by Susie at 10:32 AM | Comments (2)

Alliance Assignment

Respond to the Venezuelan's assertion that "The US only went into Iraq because of the oil. They're going to take all of the oil, and sell it to fund their global imperialism."

How can we argue with the truth? Our evil government has been planning to corner the world's olive oil market ever since the Godfather Trilogy showed them what a nifty profit can be made from Extra Virgin. Once Iraq is pacified, Italy, Spain and Greece are next....

Posted by Susie at 10:05 AM | Comments (1)

Fire up the way-back machine, Sherman...

Here's an old joke puzzle from my college English major days. A community theater was doing seven Shakespearean plays for its season, and wanted to list them all on the marquee. Unfortunately, there wasn't room for all the play titles, until someone came up with the following abbreviations:

Wet / Dry

Marriage / Miscarriage

3" / 6" / 9"

Can you decipher which plays the theater will be performing?

(answers in the extended entry)

UPDATE: So far, Harvey is the only one who gets the joke. So you must all think like a pervert Harvey, and the answers will make sense. Remember that each single word (or abbreviation) represents the title of a Shakespeare play, and think about which play title could be indicated by, for example, the shorthand of "three inches".

A Midsummer Night's Dream/The Twelfth Night
All's Well that Ends Well/Love's Labor's Lost
Much Ado About Nothing/As You Like It/ The Taming of the Shrew

UPDATE: Let me write the answers this way, maybe it will clarify it:

Marriage= All's Well That Ends Well
Miscarriage= Love's Labor's Lost
3 inches= Much Ado About Nothing
6 inches= As You Like It
9 inches= The Taming of the Shrew
Wet= A Midsummer's Night Dream
Dry= The Twelfth Night

Posted by Susie at 12:53 AM | Comments (8)

March 09, 2004

Squash this cockroach

Comment spammer alert!

IP:202.5.89.59
email aliases: o@l.com
aupairnanny@greataup.
me@me.com

MT blacklist kills bugs dead!!!!!

Posted by Susie at 11:48 PM | Comments (1)

Wow! This one nailed me!

In order to spare LeeAnn the humiliation of being the last one on the meme train, I present:

It isn't a poem
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
"I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't
a poem."
You are a type A personality. You like bright
things, you don't call in sick to work, and you
have devastating opinions about art.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Susie at 12:28 PM | Comments (2)

Popcorn warmer conversation

If we had a water cooler, here's how the conversation would go:

Clerk: What is it with today? All the customers are so bitchy!
Susie: There must have been a memo.
Cashier: Yeah--it came in their Welfare check.

Posted by Susie at 10:25 AM | Comments (2)

March 08, 2004

It's a long way to the top if you want to rock 'n roll

Jim over at SBD has a list of advice for kids. [Thanks to Ted for the pointer.] Number five jogged my sluggish brain cells regarding a rant I have.

Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all weekend.

Spring break is coming up, when the theater will be open daily for afternoon matinées. Instead of the usual two employee-shifts a day (one cashier and one concessions clerk), there will be six (a cashier and two clerks for day and for night). So, naturally, half my staff is going to Florida. This means I have to hire at least one cashier and two concessions clerks just to have minimal staffing for that week. Everybody is going to end up with fewer hours in the long run, but rule #9 hasn't sunk in for them yet.

Frequently I will hire friends of current employees, and most of the time it works out. Last month when I posted the "help wanted" sign, one of my clerks told me he had a friend who needed a job. I interviewed the friend, it went very well, and I hired him. On his first day he filled out all his paperwork, got his uniform shirt, and survived orientation. Then he no showed/no called his first training shift.

According to my clerk, his friend had decided that working concessions was "beneath him."

!!!??!??!!

Holy Freakin' Moly!!!!!! The young man in question had shown signs of at least minimal intelligence, or I wouldn't have hired him. And I grant you that selling popcorn and performing brain surgery are not comparable skills. But this kid was not destined to be a brain surgeon anyway.

And maybe that is the problem. You see, I have a cashier who is destined to be a physician. She's been accepted at IU and will be studying pre-med. She's conscientious, punctual and reliable. If she wasn't still in High School I'd can Ass. Man. and replace him with her in a New York minute. She is at least as intelligent as I am (and that's pretty intelligent!). She started in concessions, and did such a great job she was transferred to cashier, and whenever she's working I know she's got my back. And when she heads off it college it's going to be tough to replace her.

So I guess the moral of this story is if you think selling popcorn is "beneath" you, then you are really beneath it. And the kids who think the world owes them a living are never going to match the ones who know it doesn't.

(And if you think the folks selling you the popcorn are beneath you, then you are so far beneath them you'll need a shovel just to get to ground level--but that's a rant for another time....)

Posted by Susie at 11:31 AM | Comments (9)

Enjoy!

The Bestofme Sympony is harmonizing over at Irritable Blog Syndrome.

Posted by Susie at 11:24 AM | Comments (0)

March 07, 2004

Those who can't post, read--except ...

Hmmm...I'm having trouble getting some of my regular blog reads to load. Is there an outage somewhere? The Munuvians all show up. At first I thought Bill forgot to pay his hosting service again, but Kevin's unavailable too. Sigh.

Posted by Susie at 10:46 AM | Comments (3)

March 06, 2004

A subject and a predicate--is that so much to ask?

Ass. Man. left me a note (yes, we basically communicate via post-its because our shifts overlap only twice a week and so we only see each other in person on Fridays and Saturdays when we are too busy parrying crises to actually speak to each other) which said:

Su,
If X-Large Lids are still here, they sent us the wrong size. I did call Pepsi about the screwup. And another thing is I didn't recognize it is the cue tape. There's one at the beginning and at the end. I got the one at the end. DON'T MIND the English language! There's some $20's to get U some quarters!!
There's one preview on each film, the cue tape is after the preview. So, during the preview, stop it and scrap [sic] it. U will see it on the patteplatter that's not a yellow splicing tape!
See U @ 6

Folks, the author of this missive is in college. That means he was graduated from High School despite the fact that he cannot compose a coherent sentence. After several readings I deduced that I had no clue what it was that he was trying to tell me. However, a little investigation revealed that although I had ordered small lids from Pepsi, and the invoice indicated small lids were delivered, what we in fact had received was extra-large lids, and Ass. Man. had contacted Pepsi about the mistake. However, because there were now TWO boxes of extra-large lids in my lobby, one box of which had a freshly dated invoice, I concluded that instead of taking the wrong lids and replacing them with the correct lids, Pepsi had just brought us an additional box of the wrong lids. Sigh.
I'm sure I've talked about cue tape before, and how it can turn on and off the lights and sound on the projector, and how it doesn't work on OUR projectors so we have to scrape it off. So it seems he missed some cue tape when he was making up a movie. Only, he forgot to mention which movie still had the cue tape....Sigh.
"Don't mind the English Language!" What could this cryptic instruction mean? I never did discover whether it had something to do with the fact that The Last Samurai had subtitles, or was an apology for his communication skills; maybe it was just a general axiom like "Don't take any wooden nickles," or "Don't mention the war," but it must've been pretty important, since he underlined it. Sigh.
..how many days 'til my next day off????

Posted by Susie at 10:30 AM | Comments (4)

March 05, 2004

Monday Morning Blues....

I seem to have a touch of the Beal again, Dear Readers--and what's worse, comment Beal as well. I've read wonderful and entertaining posts at Tiger's, Blackfive's, Teresa's, Tiffany's, Silver Blue's, Bill's, LeeAnn's, Tom's, Jennifer's, Bob's, and several more that my fast approaching senility won't allow me to recall, and I think I left a total of two three comments. Sigh. Guess link-love will have to suffice...

Posted by Susie at 10:55 AM | Comments (8)

March 04, 2004

Curse you Evelyn Woods...

Up until I started typing this I had 777 entries here on my MT blog. Just thought that was cool.

Anyway, I sort of took the weekend off from blogging and did other stuff like watch movies and visit with my family. But now it's (my) Sunday night, and the work week looms ahead like Andre the Giant standing over Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride...

This week's Alliance assignment is to design a new logo for the Instapundit...unfortunately, I read it too fast and thought it said lego....


Evil Glen.pg

Posted by Susie at 10:16 PM | Comments (3)

March 03, 2004

What's the internet equivalent of a bake sale?

Serenity's broken ankle is going to cost $7244 plus incidentals to fix. Yikes! The bad part is she needs to scrape up 4K before they will even do the surgery!!!!

Here's the link to her PayPal button, in case you just won the lottery and don't know what to do with all that largesse...

Posted by Susie at 06:47 PM | Comments (3)

March 02, 2004

How to flog a dead horse

Today's loudest laugh (sorry, Frank!) was found at Random Fate

sample: "6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired."

Posted by Susie at 01:26 PM | Comments (2)

This is why I will politely decline if you invite me camping...

I don't like critters. Heck, I barely tolerate most domestic animals (cute kitties being the major exception). I think chipmunks are adorable as long as they stay far away from me. Tuning Spork's What's Worse That a Dead Squirrel in the Attic ? A Dozen Live Ones story totally creeped me out, and reminded me of the time my family went back to my mom's roots in the mountains of Virginia.

We stayed a week in her dad's farm house (which her eldest brother used as a hunting lodge) and communed with nature--some of it was even outside! I can't decide if my fondest memory is using the outhouse in the middle of the night or the time we came back from visiting her nephew to find a dead bat on one of the bedroom floors. I didn't get much sleep that week--hundreds of bats doing their "morning" ablutions eight feet above one's head is not really conducive to restful slumber. I think I had hysterics five times in seven days, unless you include my reaction when my cousin wanted to bring the 6 foot snake he found into the house--there was no actual screaming involved since I was petrified voiceless.

Thank God for white lightning--it's got xanax beat to flinders....

Posted by Susie at 12:15 PM | Comments (2)

I knew it all along!!!!

Fun new toy I found via Tom:

THE BUSH CONSPIRACY THEORY GENERATOR


bush_bad.jpg

Here's mine:

George W. Bush caused the Cubs to lose to the Marlins in Game 7 of the National League Championship Series so that oil companies and gun owners could oppress welfare recipients.

Posted by Susie at 11:20 AM | Comments (0)

My makeover

SusieLego.jpg

Thanks to Harvey for the pointer....

Mistress.jpg

This is what I'm wearing to the Bartender's tonight, where we're going to play Mistress and Commander: Far Side of the Champagne Room...

Posted by Susie at 01:24 AM | Comments (5)

Short Takes

I saw the ugliest car ever designed, the Aztec, in the ugliest color a car could be--metallic olive green. I'll probably have nightmares.

I made Ass. Man. close for me so I could watch the Oscars. The best part, as always when Billy Crystal hosts, was the film where he put himself in all the nominated pictures, and the songs he did for them. It was pretty boring after that. Renee Zellwiger gave the best speech--but since she got the first award, you can tell it really went downhill from there. I did have to battle back my gag reflex a couple of times, especially when Tim Robbins and Sean Penn won. Clean sweep for LOTR 3 was nice, but I really wanted Bill Murray to win Best Actor. And I thought both songs from Cold Mountain were better than the winner from LOTR.

The only movie I've seen that won anything was Finding Nemo.

I forgot to change the status to publish before I went to work...sigh. Ah, well, it allows me the opportunity to say that I have offered to be a future hostess of the Bestofme Symphony (the current edition viewable at Ambient Irony).

Posted by Susie at 12:21 AM | Comments (2)

March 01, 2004

Next Questioner--Step closer to the mike, please!

Taking a page from Harvey's book, Christine launches the next barrage of questions:

This is probably a silly question, but is the screen made of anything special?
Or is simply a big nylon canvas?
As far as I can tell, it's just a big canvas. But remember, we're talking about the Dollar Movies here--I'm probably lucky it's not a bed sheet...

Oh yeah, why are the theatres so FRICKIN COLD ALL THE TIME? I know lots of bodies equal lots of heat generated but DANG, I could store meat in there! It probably is the body heat thing, because you seldom know if you're cooling for two or two hundred ahead of time, but if you're at MY theater it's because we have two settings--on, and off.

Does the audio come on different tapes or is it just encoded on the film itself? I've heard that at the fancy schmancy theaters the audio comes on a CD, but the sound strip embedded in the film is good enough for us, by golly!

Do you think they'll ever switch over to a digital format? Someday I'm sure it will happen, but Hollywood is very slow to embrace change, and retrofitting theaters with the new equipment will be very expensive, so it may be awhile.

DO PIXAR movies and others that are completely CGI come on traditional film or do they come in giant DVDs? If a movie isn't on 35mm film, I can't show it, so while there may be theaters somewhere have have giant DVD players (weren't those called laser disc?), we got Finding Nemo on reels of film that had to be made up like all the other movies.

Have you ever had problems with gelatinous black sludge creeping into your theater and, oh wait that was just make believe, forget it! Now that you mention it, there is a sort of orange-ish mold growing on some of the walls...

Posted by Susie at 05:13 AM | Comments (6)

Oooooh--that was a close one....

Three have survived the first round of this edition of King of the Blogs. You can learn the identities here....

Posted by Susie at 04:49 AM | Comments (0)