July 31, 2004

Stupid Customer Story Number 5321

As is usually the case when I am upstairs in the projection booth threading a picture, yesterday one of the clerks came to get me because the cashier was having difficulties with a customer. (I am never needed to deal with difficult customers when I am in my office behind the concession stand, conveniently located to the problem. Rather the customers wait until I am busy upstairs, changing lenses or starting a show--this is somewhat akin to the telephone's tendency to ring when I am on the stairs, equidistant from my office and the phone on the far side of the projection booth).

The woman in question did not want to pay $1 admission to the 3 o'clock show. She was insisting that she had called earlier and that she had spoken to a female who had told her that we charge 50¢ before 4. Since the cashier and I were the only two females working, that narrowed down the possibilities. Because the cashier had not answered the telephone at all yesterday, obviously I was the one who had spoken to the customer.

Now, let me make this plain. Despite my puckish sense of humor, I am not in the habit of deliberately telling potential customers the wrong prices, show times, or directions to the theater. And I recalled speaking to the woman because she was the only customer who had called to that point. She had asked me when our price was $1.50 and I had told her "after 5 on Friday and Saturday." Somehow, this translated in her brain to 50¢ before 4. She even wrote it on a piece of cardboard torn from a Sprite can 24 pack, because she waved it in my face: "4/50¢" written plain as day above our information line phone number. This proved, apparently, that the manager does not know her own theater's prices and maliciously tells customers the wrong information (We charge 8 ¢ all day Thursday! Free condoms to the first 50 customers to say 'I heart cheese"!) merely to get a good laugh, or some other sadistic enjoyment from their inconvenience or discomfiture, because managers, as we all know, love having irate customers yell at them....

Of course she demanded the owner's name and phone number, which we happily supplied.

The last laugh is on her, though--because 90% of all customer complaints are related to the fact that people cannot understand that "between 4 and 5, tickets are 50¢" means BETWEEN, not before, the owner has done away with the 50¢ price except for all day on Wednesday.

I expect we will get people demanding 50¢ admission on Tuesday because they thought it was Wednesday....

Posted by Susie at 11:11 AM | Comments (7)

What I really want is Barbie as Galadriel

I've always suspected that Harvey had my house wired for video--now there's proof...

Posted by Susie at 10:00 AM | Comments (1)

July 30, 2004

Now go away, or I will taunt you a second time

I was reading something that pointed me somewhere that sent me to Michelle Malkin's blog, and once again I am appalled by the deliberate and belligerent stupidity of certain members of the human race; in this case, "Surge" and "the Liberal Avenger" who were lurking in Michele's comments, armed with self-righteous arrogance and the conviction that feeling is more important than thinking.

Lord, spare me from the babbling of these idiots, however useful they may be to the Socialist cause. Their tinfoil hats deflect logic at the speed of sound, and when given a smack-down by more sensible commenters they quickly change the subject rather than let a little fresh thought into their tightly closed minds.

I suppose I should be grateful to them, however--without their obtuse wrongheadedness I never would have gotten to read this response from cousin vinnie:

Try this model for thinking about profiling.

You are given a large jar of assorted jelly beans. In a small number of jelly beans, a valuable diamond is hidden. You don't have time to search all the jelly beans, but you know that the green jelly beans are 1,000 times more likely to contain a diamond than all the rest.

Logically, you would search ONLY the green jelly beans until they had been exhausted.

Profiling? You bet. And completely logical and mathematically sound.

Naturally, "Surge" and "The Liberal Avenger" had no reply to that, since thinking is hard work--or maybe their moms made them get off the computer and go outside to play...


Posted by Susie at 10:48 AM | Comments (3)

July 29, 2004

What's your number?

In an ongoing effort to avoid working on the 14 page final paper that's due on Monday I've been wandering the blogosphere and came across a cool thing via Xinh by way of Lee Ann's comments .

Just call my blog 1329 39260....

Posted by Susie at 01:44 PM | Comments (5)

July 28, 2004

Stream of Comatoseness

One reason my schedule has been so hellacious is I fired Ass. Man. not too long ago. It's a long story, fraught with adventure, emotion, and brain-wraps, and I'm not going to tell it today because I have to be at work in one hour and won't be home until the witching hour is upon us--meaning you all have another 12 hour stint to play in the comments if you haven't gotten it out of your system yet.

I did spend some time cruising my old hang-outs to see what you all have been up to, but I had comment beal. I didn't even leave any comment-graffiti because the last time I uninstalled and re-installed Mozilla in an (unsuccessful) attempt to fix the locking-up thing, all my cookies went bye-bye and I didn't feel like typing all that info back in just to leave a ~!~ or a :)....

I was seriously annoyed by David Letterman the other night; he had a Convention bit about What the Democrats Say/What the Republicans say. I can't remember what they all were, I just remember thinking that Dave used to make fun of both parties equally, but that bit was definitely slanted Anti-Republican/Pro-Democrat. If he does the same bit for the Republican convention, without making fun of the Republicans, I may forgive him. Even so, he passed up some good jokes at the Democrats' expense just to take cheap shots at the President and it irritated me.

Then I read online that Kerry is slipping in the polls.


There's also the optimism factor. Just 47 percent of registered voters are satisfied with the way things are going in this country, but many more — 67 percent —are optimistic about the year ahead. And more see Bush as an optimist (72 percent) than Kerry (55 percent). That makes it a tricky path for Kerry — delineating the nation's problems, economic and otherwise, without sounding more negative than the public itself.

Attributes are as important as issues, and here Kerry has work to do as well. His advantage over Bush as the candidate who better "understands your problems" has shrunk to a virtually insignificant four points; it was 18 points last month. Last month it was Kerry +12 as more honest; now it's Bush +6. And it was Bush +5 on leadership; it's Bush +19 now. The Bush campaign seems to have been effective at drawing Kerry in a more negative personal light. The convention is his chance to build it back.

Also critical has been the Bush campaign's success driving up Kerry's overall "unfavorable" rating, by criticizing his policies and personality alike. Favorability is a basic measure of popularity. Since March, at the height of his primary victories, favorable views of Kerry have declined by six points — and unfavorable views are up by 11 points. Bush's favorability rating, meanwhile, has gained six points, while his "unfavorable" score — which still slightly exceeds Kerry's — is little changed (+4).

I didn't even know that Bush had started campaigning.

And now off the The Technology Free Zone™ with me... rumor has it I may get tomorrow off....we'll see...

Posted by Susie at 11:07 AM | Comments (4)

July 27, 2004

Like running with scissors, only cooler

Thanks to The King Of Fools I discovered The Resplendent Mango and Katie's Eowyn Voter's League. Count me in...

Posted by Susie at 08:19 PM | Comments (1)

July 26, 2004

Just don't shave the cat

I'm on noon to midnight today, I spent my coffeeing-up time doing research for my final paper for the World's Worst Business Class™ and I need more sleep.

So, make yourself comfy in my comments--there's Killian's Red in the fridge, Sanata on the CD player, and the carpet's been scotch-guarded (in case of Hershey's syrup)...

Posted by Susie at 11:53 AM | Comments (9)

July 25, 2004

Ladies and Gentlemen, for my 1000th post, I present...

My Favorite Kurt Russell movies of all time (inspired by Jerry's post title) [* means I own it....]

20. Tango & Cash*
19. Dark Blue*
18. Captain Ron
17. The Mean Season
16. The Barefoot Executive
15. Tequila Sunrise*
14. John Carpenter's The Thing
13. Tombstone*
12. The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
11. Miracle
10. Executive Decision*




Snake Plissken


9. Backdraft*
8. Soldier*
7. Escape from New York*
6. Breakdown*
5. Used Cars*
4. 3000 Miles to Graceland*
3. Stargate*
2. Overboard*


And my number one favorite Kurt Russell movie of all time:

bigtroubleinlittlechina3.jpg


big trouble little china.jpg
1. Big Trouble in Little China*


Posted by Susie at 12:11 PM | Comments (11)

July 24, 2004

Ungeeklyness bites big fat hairy boulders

Ever since I got "upgraded" from Windows 95 to Windows ME, my Mozilla browser has been giving me all sorts of grief. It locks up unexpectedly, and I have to use the three-fingered salute to close it and start over. Because I am technologically-impaired (I blame the government) I cannot determine how to fix this problem. Today after the fifth Ctrl-Alt-Del I uninstalled it and reinstalled it. Unexpectedly, all my bookmarks are still there, which means it didn't completely uninstall, so whatever is causing the problem probably didn't uninstall either....

If this doesn't work, I may have to resort to Percussive Maintenance...

I hate Bill Gates.

Posted by Susie at 11:08 AM | Comments (3)

July 23, 2004

If the shoe fits...

Apparently Democrats accused Ahnold of slandering gays for calling California Democrats "girlie men". I find this ironic. As an evil Republican, the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the phrase "girlie men" is Saturday Night Live, NOT homosexual males. As a matter of fact, it didn't even occur to me that it could refer to gay men until the whiney Democratic spokesperson brought it up. And even so, I still don't see it...John Kerry is a "girlie man", Gandalf is not. I personally know a couple of "girlie men" who are completely hetero, and a lot of gay men who are retrosexuals...

People who take offense over non-existant slights create the slight themselves.

Idiots.

Posted by Susie at 11:16 AM | Comments (8)

Epithet, epitaph, whatever...

I've been having problems remembering what day of the week it is lately. I figure that's probably because I haven't had a day off since July 7th, and it looks like I won't get one until July 29th. Whine. Kvetch. I need a vacation.

Hmmm.. I'd hoped that would get it out of my system, but I'm still feeling whiney...

tombstone.jpg

Thanks to the Cheesemistress....

Posted by Susie at 10:25 AM | Comments (2)

July 22, 2004

Handy Hint #532

kerryedwards.jpg

Posted by Susie at 10:48 PM | Comments (3)

A Witty Title Eludes Me--I blame the government

Well, this is interesting. I just stumbled upon "Composer" in my Mozilla browser. Who knew? Well, Pixy probably did--but he knows everything....

The problem with actually using Composer, however, is the same problem I have with most programs--I was never taught to read Icon as a child. This is a severe failing of the American public school system. (What do you mean there were no computers smaller than a two-car garage when I was in first grade? The government should have foreseen that I would need to read Icon someday and taught me! Haven't you been reading the news? It's the government's job to know ahead of time what's going to happen and plan accordingly. Duh.) Because I am one of the millions of Icon-illiterates struggling to survive in today's computer-rife society, I believe the government should admit its failure to adequately prepare us and pay us lots of money in reparations.

In fact, my parents should be recompensed from the same fund, since they were never taught how to operate a television remote control when they were in grammar school. How did the government expect them to survive and thrive when they were never taught that if they accidentally press the TV/VCR/DVD button, the television won't go on, but the VCR will? Doesn't the government realize the suffering they have endured because they were unable to watch Judge Judy? Not to mention the mental anguish resultant from their conviction that the television was broken???? All because the public school system neglected to teach them the proper operation of a device that would become essential to daily life some 50 years later....

Damn government....

Posted by Susie at 10:59 AM | Comments (7)

July 21, 2004

Stealing Ted's Thunder

I've been busy today working on a super-secret project! After hours of hard work designing our uniforms, the Hot Jets are ready to cheer on the Rocket Jones Rockets....

Guess which one I am?

Starz3.jpg

(Yes, the correct answer is "none of the above")


Go, Team!!!!

Posted by Susie at 10:56 PM | Comments (3)

July 20, 2004

Fair and Balanced

This week's Assignment from the Alliance is to come up with a bumper sticker slogan that will add "balance" to the silly "Bush Lied, People Died" which one sees on the cars of the misguided. A few suggestions:

I get my news from CBS (Communist Broadcasting System).
I'm a moron--deal with it!
I left my brain in San Francisco....
I voted for Gore... and all I got was this lousy tinfoil hat!

You can leave your suggestions in the comments here or at HQ, or post your own on your blog....

Posted by Susie at 11:01 AM | Comments (2)

It Burns!!!! It Burns!!!!!!

fire.jpg

Fire.

It got Prometheus in trouble.
It took out Chicago, London and San Francisco.
It's one third of a 70s R&B band.

But its destructive powers can also be harnessed for good; for example, it makes really tasty bar-b-q...

Into the cleansing flames of the Bonfire we gleefully toss the following:

...Sirloin Steak

I think Helen has confused the Bonfire with the Bestofme Symphony...Oh, well, burn her anyway!

Rachel Ann has the correct idea--this post sizzles nicely!

...Ribs

Nikita also knows which post deserves the cleansing flames! Auugh! My eyes!

And Heather, you go girl! That post would make electrolux jealous!

...Shish-K-Bob

Montana Politics tries to inform and educate. Yawn.

Harvey wrote a deliberately bad post just for the Bonfire. That's cheating, Harv! Just for that, you get Shish-k-bob!

...Bratwurst

Sean's dropping names. It could be worse--he could have come down with cat scratch fever....

Miss O'Hara tosses a big one on the flames...can I get some mustard on that mermaid?

...Chicken

Christopher knows that a picture's worth a thousand words...looks Atkins-friendly to me!

Beck dons a party hat to celebrate...something. I think I nodded off there for a minute.

...Burgers

Alex D. has a news flash for us...that was, um, not ready for prime time?

Jack attempts to edujumicate his readers...silly Jack! Listen to it hiss! It belongs in the flames!

...Salmon Steak

Mog points out injury added to insult. Sounds fishy to me, mog....

Speaking of fishy, Andrew Ian Dodge offers a post about an actual bonfire. Coincidence or conspiracy? You decide.

...Weenies

Aaron needs beer money, devises bumper sticker. I need beer money, too, Aaron, but you won't see me stooping that low...at least, not yet...

Brian obviously is in a competiton with his lovely wife for the week's worst post. Brian, you win!

And no cook-out is complete without dessert...

...Marshmallows

Eric offers an enigma shrouded in a mystery--not!

Kevin gives us an update...like we care, Kevin.

As for Yours Truly, your Hostess has so many lame posts this week, it's hard to choose only one!

Next week's round up of the worst of the blogosphere will be immolated at King of Fools. Be there! And wear your "Kiss the Cook" apron........

Posted by Susie at 12:37 AM | Comments (5)

July 19, 2004

When Good Blogs Go Down....

Once again, the mere act of emailing Pixy fixes my blog. Reverend Pixy has healed me! Hallelujah!

Posted by Susie at 10:29 AM | Comments (1)

July 18, 2004

Not that you care, but...

I just made Steve's Hash Brown Casserole. It was cheesy and greasy and to die for, just as he promised. I think I'll put more garlic in it, next time...

Posted by Susie at 08:57 PM | Comments (2)

July 17, 2004

WTF is FUSF?????

Well, as if the government doesn't get enough of my hard-earned money sucked directly out of my paycheck every week, now they have an internet access tax! I am not making this up. People who are all for taxing evil capitalist businesses haven't figured out who really pays those taxes--we do!

Take, for an example, The Federal Universal Service Fund*.

Verizon Online is assessed the FUSF fee by its suppliers (companies that provide the network services Verizon Online uses to bring you DSL service), which are required to contribute to the Federal Universal Service Fund on revenues they receive for transporting Internet service over telephone lines.

So, Verizon, naturally, passes along the "required contribution" (tax!! just say tax!!!) to me in the form of a Supplier Federal Universal Service Fund Recovery fee.

From Verizon's site:

Q: Why do I have to pay a Supplier FUSF Recovery Fee on my Verizon Online DSL service if I’m already paying for it on my local Verizon telephone service?

A: Wireline broadband Internet access services are classified by the Federal Communications Commission as "information services", with a telecommunications component, rather than telecommunications services. In other words, your DSL service is classified as separate from your telephone service. Both types of services are subject to FUSF fees, even though they run on the same “wire line” into your home.

Q: Why does Verizon Online charge a Supplier FUSF Recovery Fee on Verizon Online DSL service and not on Verizon Online Dial-up service?

A: Verizon Online is not assessed the FUSF fee by its suppliers on dial-up service due to specific FUSF regulations concerning broadband Internet access.

Q: Where can I find out more information?

A: Much more information on the Federal Universal Service Fund, the Telecommunications Act of 1996, and what the FUSF is used for, can be found on the FCC’s Web site: www.fcc.gov.

Grrrr.....Now I have to pay an extra $2.34 a month internet access tax, on top of the all the other taxes and surcharges and fees (for example, I have to pay $7 a month for "Interstate non-primary access" for my phone, even though I don't make interstate--or any long distance--calls. Then there's the federal excise tax, the state sales tax, the telecommunications and relay services tax, the Federal Universal Service Fee tax, the 911 service tax...) That money has to come from somewhere, government folks! Unlike you, I can't just issue bonds....

Anybody for a tea party?



*Supposedly this tax is to keep phones and internet "affordable" for schools and public libraries. Hello!!!!!!!!! I'm already paying taxes to support schools and public libraries!!! Let them find the money in their current budget like everybody else! Sheesh....

Posted by Susie at 01:27 PM | Comments (5)

July 16, 2004

That was a Douglas Adams book, right?

The greenies are annoying Pixy and that reminded me of an anecdote: Customer came up to the box office and asked for two tickets to "The End of the World." We knew immediately she wanted to see "The Day After Tomorrow".

I haven't watched it yet myself, but judging by the bits I have seen, sans sound, from the projection booth, I know what it's about--Dennis Quaid and some other "scientists" are drilling in a polar ice cap and cause the whole thing to crack. Part of it apparently floats away and covers New York City during some ecology conference in New Dehli. Then some people trapped in a high-rise throw their furniture into the fireplace until the monster from Stephen King's "Dreamcatcher" comes to their door, then they throw the furniture in faster. At the end everyone walks across the ice until a helicopter picks them up and they fly over the head of the statue of Liberty.

Hope I didn't spoil it for you.

Posted by Susie at 12:05 AM | Comments (7)

July 15, 2004

Mush-brained

Thirteen hours in the Technology Free Zone™ today, and I have to be back there in less than ten hours...

Oh goody! I have an entry for the Bonfire now--which, coincidentally I am hostessing next week, so there's one, at least...

By the way, does anyone know whatever happened to Joe Piscipo?

Posted by Susie at 01:17 AM | Comments (5)

July 13, 2004

Moviemaking at its finest...or not

This week's Alliance Assignment is to discover information about Evil Glenn's forthcoming Documentary. Well, since I have connections in the movie biz, I was able to obtain and download the rough cut. I give you Fahrenheit 666!

Posted by Susie at 01:06 PM | Comments (4)

July 12, 2004

Sanity in Small Increments

When one is imprisoned in one's technologically-impaired workplace for over half a solar day, threading and running 15 shows single-handedly, there comes a time between nagging the employees to sweep the lobby and getting fives for the box office when one must grab the odd moment to decompress and restore sanity in order to avoid ending up on the roof with a sniper rifle and a year's supply of Oreos.

Yesterday's moments of Zen came to me courtesy of Steve of Hog On Ice via his treatise on human nature and inter-gender relationships, Eat What You Want and Die like A Man.

I was laughing so loud the employees came rushing into the office to see if I was being attacked by a herd of rogue stand-up comedians.

Now, I have read funny cookbooks before--usually the fund-raising models, because Aunt Martha [disclaimer: not an actual relative] had submitted her prize-winning goat cheese and pear casserole concoction and coughing up the six bucks would keep me in the will--but this is the funniest cookbook ever written. Only, in this case it's not the recipes that are funny. The recipes are awesome!

Ok, I haven't actually tried to make any of them yet, but I do cook (or at least used to before I joined the Foreign Legion took this job at the theater) and, like a mathematician who can look at a formula and tell you your pi is in the wrong place, I can see that these recipes are not only chock full of high cholesterol goodness [and I have added lard and suet to my grocery list] but also cookonomically sound.

The first recipe I intend to try is the Hash Brown Casserole. I might even eat it with the Chicken-Fried Rib-Eye. I don't think I'll eat the steak on the Super-Giant Biscuit, though--that's for Real Men, and being a girl I don't qualify. I'll probably also never try the BBQ rib recipe, since I was born without the grilling gene, but if someone wants to make them for me I'll be happy to get sauce all over my chin taste-testing them.

Do not read this book if you are at all sensitive to gender-awareness issues [translation: if you are a chick with no sense of humor you could be offended by Steve's guy-humor, like his Star Trek parody--especially his Star Trek parody]. But I always say, offensiveness is in the mind of the beholder, and humor has to have a grain of truth to be funny. Take this sage piece of advice I like to pass along to men of my acquaintance:

The woman always has the last word in any argument. The next thing a man says is the beginning of a new argument.

If men would just accept that, the world would be a better place today.

Anyway, buy Steve's cookbook, even if you don't cook, because it may keep you off the roof.

And "Thank you" to Wind Rider for wreaking havoc on Bill's blog posting about this book. I owe you, WR (but no boobie pictures).

Posted by Susie at 10:52 AM | Comments (1)

A Modest Proposal

I was out driving (to the store to buy milk, if you must know) and I saw an actual bumper sticker that said "Bush lied People died" and my first thought was "Why don't you just have a bumper sticker that says 'I'm Stupid'?" because it would save the slander. Which got me to thinking about bumper stickers I'd like to see. For example "I'm gullible and easily misled, which is why I loved Fahrenheit 9/11" or "Moore lied, Twinkies died" or even "Caution: Blind Driver". Which gives me an idea for an Alliance assignment, Harv-- a fill in the blank bumper sticker slogan: "Moore Lied, ______ Died". What do you think?

Posted by Susie at 10:39 AM | Comments (2)

July 11, 2004

This is what I get for over-thinking my responses....

Since today I'll be spending 13 hours or so in the Technology Free Zone™, here's the result of a quiz I found via the Pixyfather:

You are an SEDF--Sober Emotional Destructive Follower. This makes you an evil genius. You are extremely focused and difficult to distract from your tasks. With luck, you have learned to channel your energies into improving your intellect, rather than destroying the weak and unsuspecting.

Your friends may find you remote and a hard nut to crack. Few of your peers know you very well--even those you have known a long time--because you have expert control of the face you put forth to the world. You prefer to observe, calculate, discern and decide. Your decisions are final, and your desire to be right is impenetrable.

You are not to be messed with. You may explode.

I resemble that analysis! Although, I should probably take this quiz again when I'm not PMSing....

Posted by Susie at 12:54 AM | Comments (3)

July 10, 2004

Purple milk is bad for you

For my last birthday, one of my nieces gave me a book. It was by an individual of whom I had heard, but never read, and so it had sat in my reading pile for six months or so, until I had read just about everything I have to hand, and I picked it up last evening.

Oh. my. God.

The first page alone was pretty bad, but I forced myself to plow through the entire first chapter before slamming it shut in disbelief.

I guess I just don't get it. I really think there should have been a disclaimer on the cover: Abandon all logic, ye who enter here. It was like reading a book based entirely on the premise that space aliens are sending spam emails to seduce earth women, and everyone knows it, but some people just aren't ready to admit it. It was like reading a nutritional guide based on the assumption that purple cows give purple milk--all humans know this to be true, after all, so no empirical proof is necessary of the purpleness of some cows and all of their milk--we'll just start right in on how bad purple milk is and how anyone who drinks it is just evil....purple cows are apparently so logical and so pervasive to this author that he doesn't even bother to include a picture for those of us who doubt the existence of purple cows; just because we can't see that our cereal has purple milk on it doesn't mean he's wrong--it means we are silly to just not accept it when he says the milk is purple (because everyone else knows it) and go from there.

Since I do not accept that premise, and I refuse to accept it, and I fail to understand how anyone sentient could write an entire book based on that premise, I find it rather scary...imagine finding an actual published work grounded entirely in the belief that purple cows exist and roam freely on our plains--in the non-fiction section of your favorite bookseller.

Only the premise that this book seems to be based on is that the United States of America is EVIL...evil to the core!

It is called Hegemony or Survival and its author is Noam Chomsky.

I had heard of Chomsky, of course--usually unflattering things, given the circles I frequent, but I had no real opinion of my own until I attempted to read his babbling book. This book is the Weekly World News for the liberal elite. "Did you see that Bat Boy married Britney Spears?" they ask each other earnestly. Only their version must be "Did you see that Bush is going to bring an end to the world by blocking UN efforts to ban the militarizaton of space?" If it was in the Weekly World News/latest Chomsky book, it must be true....This book was written for people who think the Day After Tomorrow is a documentary showing the future.

My beloved Pixy Misa is writing a treatise on philosophy, and he hasn't gotten to Chomsky (who is, frighteningly, a professor of philosophy at MIT) yet, but so far I would think Chomsky suffers from Berkeley's Demon:

This was Berkeley's Demon: He thought that not only was his theory the common understanding of reality, he thought that his case was proven and unassailable.

I think I may write a book. I will base it on the premise that everyone knows that wearing socks with sandals is a sign of vampirism....

You all do know that, right? I thought so....


Posted by Susie at 12:17 PM | Comments (7)

July 09, 2004

Moore Homework

The Alliance wants to know how the Fat One will meet his maker....well, Monty Python already showed us in their movie The Meaning of Life. Here's a poorly photoshopped screen shot....

mmoorecreosote.jpg

Posted by Susie at 05:54 PM | Comments (8)

Just following orders

Happy Blogiversary Frank J!!!!

Black Insano Project--Best In My World post ever! ("Get the red dot, Helen! Get it!")

Anyone who doesn't link to Frank today is a poopy butt!!!!

Posted by Susie at 08:11 AM | Comments (0)

Short Stack--now with extra irony!

Congratulations to Simon for being commentor number 3000 to my blog! Sorry, no prize, Simon--just the envy of tens of other readers...

Why is it that comment spammers frequently use the phrase "no spam" in their email addresses? Are they trying to be ironic?

My trial subscription to that socialist rag Business Week is winding down, but there were two articles that caught my attention this issue. There was an editorial promoting Mozilla over IE for browser safety, and "article" about the Fat One's attempt to "play kingmaker in the 2004 election." I certainly hope the Fat One's record runs true to form and he's backed the losing horse again--his ego is already the size of Kansas; can you image what we'll be hearing from his pie hole if President Bush loses? Shudder...

This week's movie schedule starts an hour earlier than last week, but the last show still runs until midnight, so with a few 13 hour work days in my future blogging may be lighter than it has been.

One more instance of irony: I signed up for Business Technology as my class this fall. It was that or some touchy-feelie garbage class, and who knows? Some day my workplace may graduate from the 19th century into the 20th. A girl can dream, right?

Posted by Susie at 06:32 AM | Comments (3)

July 08, 2004

Five degrees of separation

Since Harvey begged so nicely (and offered sexual favors, which was the clincher), here is the short version of Clarke & Hardy's investigation into ties between Michael Moore and Osama bin Laden:

The bin Laden family heavily invests in the Carlyle group...the Carlyle group bailed out Euro Disney, a subsidiary of Disney...which is the parent company of Miramax... which underwrote Farvegnugen 666 (or whatever the fat one's current movie is called). So obviously there is a connection here between Moore and the bin Laden family if you just follow the money....

For the full, unvarnished innuendo you'll have to buy their book.

Posted by Susie at 10:48 AM | Comments (1)

July 07, 2004

Next stop, Pain....

Via the lovely and delightful Johnny-Oh



Susie Highway
Paintown6
Fame City15
Lake Love66
Dumpsville150
Loony-Bin Lane479
Please Drive Carefully
Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

I think I'll try to find an exit ramp before I get to Dumpsville....

Posted by Susie at 06:13 PM | Comments (2)

The Democrats are running two Johns? There must be a load of crap in their platform....

Am I reading right? Did Kerry pick Edwards for his running mate? Well, now that there's someone cute on the slate, I'm definitely going to vote Democrat--not!

Posted by Susie at 01:00 PM | Comments (7)

Michael Moore is a Big Fat Stupid White Man

by David T. Hardy and Jason Clarke was a worthwhile read. It could have been better--a lot of it was repetitive, the same points being made over and over, but that was partly because it included a number of different essays by folks such as Andrew Sullivan and Tim Blair, among others, that covered similar ground. But I did learn a few things about the fat one.

First, he's a liar. Now I know most of my readers won't find that revelation to be shocking. But what's interesting is that he has lied about where he's from. Michael Moore was born and raised and was graduated from high school in Davison, Michigan--not Flint!! From what I understand, this is similar to someone from Long Island claiming to be from Hell's Kitchen. According to the authors (who, unlike Mikey, provide footnotes citing their sources when making allegations)

While Davison is near Flint, proximity doesn't translate to similarity between the two towns. Davison is the wealthy, white "bedroom town" of the area, largely inhabited by management, not labor. Davison's median household income is one and a half times that of Flint, and its median house value is just over twice that of Flint's. Davison's 2000 unemployment rate was a minuscule 4.6 percent, a third of Flint's, and its poverty rate was half the national average. Davison is also lily-white to a staggering degree: African-Americans make up only one-half of one percent of its population. (p.18)
So the Great Spokesman for the little guy, Joe Average, Mr. Blue Collar, is not only a millionaire today, he never had the working-class upbringing in Flint he's been touting all these years.

Next, he seems to suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I guess this is really no surprise to anyone who has followed Mikey's antics in the press, but the authors present a compelling point-by-point diagnosis that's almost frightening in its accuracy. Mikey is one messed up dude!

And the third interesting thing I learned is that Michael Moore could have ties to Osama bin Laden! Using the same recipe for conspiracy theories that Mikey uses himself, the authors connect the dots between these two celebrities.

Irrefutable proof? Maybe not, but these are questions people should be asking....

Posted by Susie at 01:49 AM | Comments (2)

July 06, 2004

Filler

I'm on 12-12 again today and I just can't stand to let a calendar day go unaltered. Sadly, I don't even have a joke or a link to fill this spot. I'm off tomorrow, though, and I may have something good for you all (No, Harvey and Wind Rider, NOT pictures of my endowments! Sheesh, you two are SO predictable!)

Posted by Susie at 11:34 AM | Comments (4)

July 05, 2004

We interrupt these doldrums....

Hope everyone had a good Barbeque and Fireworks Day! I even got to participate myself. One of the cashiers went home between shows and grilled burgers and brought them back to the rest of us, so we had a little cook-out after all. Once it got dark, the neighborhoods across the street were filled with scofflaws setting off illegal bottle rockets and we had a nice firworks display to enjoy. Plus, there was the added bonus of no mosquitos since I was inside, meaning my chances of contracting West Nile virus anytime soon are lowish. So I had a pretty good 4th despite being stuck at work the whole day.

In unrelated news, Tuning Spork is having computer troubles, so stop by and leave him some words of encouragement.

ROFLMAO!

Harvey, inspired by the ever-idiotic Mac Diva, has started a new club! I'll be adding the logo to my sidebar as soon as I can find room...

Kevin the Wiz needs victims volunteers to host the Bonfire! Do your blogtriotic duty and sign up!

And, last but best, Windrider again has succeeded in making Bill's blog less sucky...

Posted by Susie at 10:29 AM | Comments (0)

July 04, 2004

228 and counting....

Happy Independence Day, my fellow Americans! Somebody throw a bratwurst on their grill for me, since I'll be in the Technology Free Zone™ from noon 'til midnight today, ensuring the nation's right to second run movies for only $1.

And I'll have some potato salad while you're at it....

Posted by Susie at 10:52 AM | Comments (2)

July 03, 2004

Like shooting fish is a barrel

The Alliance wants to know what Michael Moore's theme song is...Too easy!
(sing along, everybody, to the tune of Michael Jackson's "Bad")

Fat
Wierd Al Yankovic
(Greatest Hits Volume 1)

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or i'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'cause i'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when i fall down
I've got more chins than chinatown

Well, i've never used a phone booth
And i've never seen my toes
When i'm goin' to the movies
I take up seven rows

Because i'm fat, i'm fat, come on
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, come on you know
(fat, fat, really really fat)
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When i walk out to get my mail
It measures on the richter scale
Down at the beach i'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If i have one more pie a la mode
I'm gonna need my own zip code

When you're only having seconds
I'm having twenty-thirds
When i go to get my shoes shined
I gotta take their word

Because i'm fat, i'm fat, sha mone
(fat, fat, really really fat)
You know i'm fat, i'm fat, you know it
(fat, fat, really really fat)

Here's a visual (no actual photos of Michael Moore were involved in the making of this Dfilm, so it's been deemed lunch-safe).

Posted by Susie at 05:49 AM | Comments (4)

Yet Another Alliance Assignment

Through nefarious means I've obtained a copy of the Puppyblender's application to Faceparty

<----- Begin Profile Questionnaire----->

About Evil Glenn:

Age / Gender -516/male
Country - Transylv USA
Quick Description - Undead bloodsucker
Location - At my computer
Star Sign - Barbra Steisand--Sold Out!
Sexuality - You betcha!
Profession - Bloodsucker Lawyer
Marital Status - not germane to the issue
Perfect Partner - Catherine the Great--I still miss her!
My Interests - puppy blending, blood drinking, Harvey-taunting
Makes Me Happy - Blogosphere Domination Mu ha ha ha!
Makes Me Sad - puppies and kittens (unblended)
Cigarettes - Lucky Strike
Alcohol - I don't drink...alcohol
Drugs - I prefer my victims alert
Bad Habits - none

In My Own Words (a general personal statement - anything you want to say) - I rule the Blogosphere and that puny Alliance won't stop me!

Vital Statistics...

Ethnic Origin - Transylvan Eastern European
Hair - black
Eyes - black
Height - 5' 6"
Waist - 24"
Weight - 86
Body Type - regenerative
Body Hair - optional

My Favorite...

Food - puppies!
Music - Disco
TV Show - Mayberry RFD
Author - Bram Stoker
Movie - Roger & Me
Night Club / Bar - mace/crow
Animal - puppy!
Person - me!
Website - instapundit.com
Place - Transy my coffin
Thing - new Waring Blender tied up with red ribbon

Final Thoughts...

You can choose to answer one (or more) of the following questions:

If I were a millionaire...
If you pay me enough...
In a perfect world...
From now on...
My best day...
My dream date...
My eternal dilemma...
My funniest moment...
My mom always says... Finish your peasant before you climb into your coffin!
My pet hate...
My worst day...
The meaning of life...
This week's plan...

<----- End Profile Questionnaire----->

Posted by Susie at 04:49 AM | Comments (4)

July 02, 2004

And don't ask for a little popcorn with your butter....

Boy, yesterday got away from me. We had a school group of 286 come in, so I had to go in early to make 286 small popcorns and 286 small Pepsis for them. When I got home from work I was so tired I flopped into bed and fell asleep without blogging.

I hate it when I have a calender day that hasn't changed color...

Today starts the holiday weekend, and the owner neglected to order us large popcorn bags. I had 250 on Sunday when I did inventory, and he told me that he'd thought that would be enough (when we had used 194 last week, without a holiday weekend.) Well, we sold 40 on Monday, 33 on Tuesday and 29 on Wednesday...you can see where this is going, right? At the current rate we'll run out sometime late Saturday afternoon. I wish he would let me order my supplies! I did call a local candy wholesaler and order Buncha Crunch, Raisinettes and Goobers. We had 12, 7 and 3 left, respectively when I did inventory. He sent me Gummi Bears--I had 51 of those. Now I have 111. I guess he's expecting a run on them.

The bad thing about ordering locally is I have to pay c.o.d. And that makes us low on change for the customers.

We're also dangerously low on the butter-flavored hydrogenated vegetable-based substance that, when heated, passes for "butter" on popcorn. I forsee rioting by Sunday...

Posted by Susie at 10:01 AM | Comments (3)