Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Have a burger for me, as I am headed off to work....
It's getting to the point where I hate the weekends. I especially hate it when I have to be back to work on Sunday less than twelve hours after I left it on Saturday. Well, actually I guess it was really Sunday already when I left, and I have to go back again on the same day.
You know, it's beginning to tick me off that everything is bilingual these days. I sort of get that some packaging has both English and French, or English and Spanish, if the company is trying to save some money on the costs of products it exports. But things like phone centers or ATMs that make you choose either Spanish or English before you go any farther are a double annoyance. When my paternal ancestors arrived in this country they didn't speak a word of English. Granted, they hung around with other German-speaking immigrants and patronized German-speaking shopkeepers, but their kids learned English! Imagine if every immigrant group to hit our shores forced their language into the mainstream--it would take an hour just to read the street signs in French, German, Polish, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese...
Maybe we need to go to war with Spain. World War I made the German immigrants mainstream themselves fairly quickly. I'm just sayin'....
I got my diploma in the mail yesterday. I guess that makes it official.
They want $20 for a duplicate suitable for framing. I'm thinking I'll just stick this one in the copy machine. It's not like it's really sheepskin.
Actually, that's kinda disappointing...I was hoping that the decorative reminder that I am now 20K in debt would be a little more--decorative, I guess.
The Movie meme:
1) The number of DVD's I own: I just counted them, and I have 188, but that doesn't include the ones out on loan to various family members and friends. Call it 200, on the low side. I didn't count my VHS tapes, because there are at least 3 times as many.
2) The last DVD I bought:Team America - World Police
3) The last DVD I watched: The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
5) Tag 5 other people with this Meme... Gosh, I feel so...evil!!!!
Tuning Spork of Blather Review
Ted of Rocket Jones
Patriot Xeno of Right Hand of God
Tiger of Read My Lips
Victor of Publius & Co (to give him something other than rats to blog about) and
Jim of Snooze Button Dreams
Ooops...that's six! Oh, well...at least this way we'll see who reads me, won't we?
Every night on the way home from work I think of Harvey. It always happens when I pass Arby's, where the sign reads "TRY OUR NEW BREAST WRAPS".
*He walks around saying "Yo."
Due to popular demand, I am going to share a few more of the pearls of wisdom my friend Kate sent me. Some of the racier ones will be in the extended entry. I hope everyone will find at least one of these offensive...
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position of the dirt bag.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What's the difference between a porcupine and the BMV? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
My bestest friend from college sent me a graduation card and gift (Thank you, Kate!) in honor of my achieving my MS. It's funny--she studied Government and I studied English back in the day, and now she's an architect and I'm a manager. Youth is so wasted on the young....
Anyway, she also included a handy reference guide for me, some of which were:
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why did OJ Simpson move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.
What's the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
How do you get a sweet little 80 year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80 year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides...
If none of these offended you, there are plenty more--only I can't post them because I would lose my "PG" rating!
* A different bar.
Once again, hijacked from Pixy:
| You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.|
What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
created with QuizFarm.com
Athough, if I'd understood some of the questions, I'd probably have gotten a different result....
Don't try to fool Susie, either...
ArmyWifeToddlerMom captured the back-up driver.
Here is how to post those pictures and stories of you or your children for the Karnival of Kidz.
You have 2 ways to submit these entries!
Go to THIS LINK and make life easy for yourself.
Or if you don’t have a blog or don’t feel like posting it, send an email to karnival(dot)kidz(at)gmail(dot)com.
Get those fingers a typ’n.
One day when it was agonizingly slow at work, the kids decided to entertain themselves by making lists of their favorite things. They let me play, too, and I just found my list as I was going through some old papers...
In no particular order:
hot cocoa with whipped cream
veal cordon bleu
There were a few items I self-edited, since most of the employees are under 18...
Firemen in kilts!
So what is the big deal about Sadaam in his tightie-whities that newspapers have to print pictures? Sheesh! Spare our retinas, please. I suspect that the press just want to spark more rioting. Citizen Grim over at the Right Hand of God links to an editorial at the Boston Globe that sums it up nicely--the problem is that Islam is not a religion of Peace for many of its practioners, it's an excuse for violence. We've been tiptoeing around our neighbor with the hair-trigger temper for long enough. It's time to say "Dude! Get some counseling! You're way out of control!" and hand them the schedule for the Anger Management Group Therapy Sessions. Imagine if they got Jack Nicholson as a counselor.....
Here I am agonizing over "See Spot Run" while he composes the Declaration of Independence. I have Prose Envy. Damn. Just, damn.
Don't know what to post today. I have a photo of a car I thought would be perfect for White Trash Wednesday, but my scanner isn't working. I haven't wandered the blogroll for inspiration, either. I've been playing computer solitaire all morning. It's just that kind of day I guess.
Now I have to go into work for my own White Trash Wednesday, and deal with people who ask for a Senior Discount on 50¢ day....
Next week's Karnival of Kidz will be showcased here at Practical Penumbra. Send the link to your entry to karnival.kidz(at)gmail(dot)com by Sunday. You can find this week's Karnival here, at Boudicca's Voice.
Be good! I'm watching!
INDIANAPOLIS—To increase efficiency and enhance customer service, the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles will be closing twelve license branches in June.
Next week: To increase public safety, we will be leaving all jail cell doors unlocked.
We're trying to do a restroom makeover at the theater, and the DM suggested I purchase new sanitary napkin disposal containers for the ladies' rooms. There's a discussion of women in combat over in the comments at Sarah the Penguin's and, as expected, the boys and the girls are speaking different languages. One of my family members borrowed my Attack of the Clones DVD but returned the case without disc one and everyone denies doing it.
In my wanderings I encountered a diatribe against people who publicly divide their blogrolls into categories based on how much they like or read the blogs. I've already closed the tabs, and I don't remember where I got off the beaten track, but it was a blog I'd never read before. [I got there from a post by someone I hardly ever read who--erroneously, I believe-- felt the post was aimed at them.] It made me think of the "non-graded primary school" system that resulted in a generation of children unable to compose a complete sentence (with noun and verb), let alone read a newspaper, just because some well-meaning ex-hippies believed that feelings would be hurt if under-achievers were forced to repeat their school-work until they actually learned it. People whose feelings are hurt because they are on a less-than-premiere blogroll need to get therapy. Bloggers who think that other bloggers should not publicly make judgments about what they like and don't like shouldn't make judgments.
Humans get their panties in a twist over the strangest things. After we had one too many people trying to get their six-year-olds in for free by carrying them and claiming the child was 2, we had to abolish the "under 2 free" policy and charge everybody the same. At least once a week I get a screamer, usually the mother, who is outraged at having to pay ONE WHOLE DOLLAR for the convenience of not paying a babysitter while she goes to a movie.
I hate people.
I haven't forgotten the story I owe bullwinkle. I've got about a page now. Part of me wants to post it to prove that I can be taken taken my word (I hate it when folks make promises and don't carry them through) but part wants to wait until the whole thing is written (because I hate the torture of waiting for sequels).
I've been meandering the blogroll for the last couple of hours, fruitlessly seeking blog fodder or a wisp of inspiration. Nada. It's not that I didn't read anything interesting, au contraire. It's that nothing sparked in a me an urge to elaborate or expound on the topics I encountered.
Don't you hate that?
Hijacked from Pixy...
The other day I found a ladybug in my salad. It was dead, poor thing. Unfortunately, while I remember what brand of pre-packaged salad it was, I didn't keep the bag, and companies always want their secret code numbers when you lodge a complaint.
Maybe I'll just suggest a new advertising campaign: Now With Added Crunch!
This is my new "About Me" post. I'll try to make it a little bit more about me than the last one....
I am old enough to know better, but young enough not to care. I currently manage a movie theater. I have a B.A. in English and an M.S. in Management. I am a Republican by upbringing and inclination. My hobbies are reading (Mystery and Romance) and watching movies (Action and Comedy). I've lived in Indiana for over 30 years, although I was born in Illinois and raised in Wisconsin. I've seen four of the five Great Lakes. I adore kitties. My favorite fruit is watermelon, my favorite vegetable is garlic and my favorite ice cream is Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia. I loathe canned spinach. If offered a cocktail I would take a gin and tonic with lime. If offered a beer, I would prefer dark. If offered wine, I'd opt for whatever tastes the most like fruit juice. I like men. A lot.* I like tulips and roses, but my favorite flower is the violet. When I buy CDs, they're usually the soundtracks of movies I really like. I know Coleridge's "Cologne" by heart, and have been known to recite it spontaneously. I sing when driving, but never in the shower. I consider chocolate one of the four basic food groups (the other three being coffee, fritos and meat by-products). I like to swim.
*Edited: a long dissertation on various man-parts I particularly enjoy.
I've been dealing with some hotlinking issues again. This time some sleeze on a music forum was using my Aunt Marie's photo as his picture--with a disgusting name attached. I changed the picture to something else, but I may have to go back to using hotlink protection again, because I then found my South Park picture on a German language forum. That one I left, but I did email the offender. Ordinarily turning on hotlink protection in the CP Panel would be no big deal--only there are gazillions of Alliance members using the Alliance logos I have in my image files and I have to add each URL manually to the "ok" list. I actually did that once already, but a blip in the server or something erased them all a few months back and I loathe the thought of having to do it all over again. I suppose the bandwidth that's being stolen is really negible compared to what the members of the Alliance are using, but it's the principle of the thing--plus the mis-using of my Aunt's photo. That ticks me off big-time!
This is my niece Andrea, who recently got her drivers license. She's still a cutie-pie, and actually less whiny...
Andy, showing she knew the classic "hands at 10 and 2" steering wheel grip long before she ever took driver's ed.
Now you try...
What do these three have in common? Why, I have entries in all of them, of course! This makes me essentially a self-linker. I now must go check to see if I have hair growing on my knuckles...
I'm talking about Hollywood, of course. In my work, I see a lot of movies. Ok, I see bits of a lot of movies. Sometimes, if we have employee movie night, or if something sounds good enough to make me go into work on my day off to watch it, I see a whole movie. With sound. Otherwise, I see a few minutes at the beginning focusing it, occasional scenes in the middle when I'm checking the house, and the end. I've seen the end of every movie we've ever shown, waiting to turn up the house lights. The other day I saw Clint Eastwood murder a bed-ridden boxer-chic.
I haven't seen last year's Best Picture winner Million Dollar Baby--and now that I know it's an apology for euthanasia, I'm not going to. "But...but..." I hear some readers sputter. "It's a great movie! He did it because (insert reason here)!"
Watching a movie without sound, the viewer is forced to rely only on what the pictures show: a man inserting a liquid into the IV tube of a hospital patient whose monitors subsequently flat-line. Now, maybe the boxer chic is a serial killer who can never be prosecuted, and Clint is administering vigilante justice. Even so, it's murder. Maybe she's really a terrorist and will start blowing things up as soon as she gets out of the hospital. Still murder. And maybe she is paralyzed from the neck down but doesn't have Christopher Reeve's courage and asked Clint to kill her. It's still murder.
I suppose it's possible that there's a voice-over at the very end, telling us Clint walked into the nearest police station and confessed to the crime, and the reason Morgan Freeman is alone at the gym is because Clint's doing twenty-to-life at Sing Sing. If that's the case, somebody tell me and I'll go watch the whole movie. Otherwise, it's just one more propaganda piece from the kind of people who oppose capital punishment but want to legalize third-trimester abortions and don't see any sort of incongruity in their positions.
Hollywood would probably give a Best Picture to this movie if it were released today...
I love Wendy's new Mediterranean Chicken Salad. I didn't even know I liked feta cheese.
I'm kind of at a loss now that I have my MS degree. For the last two years, classes and homework have taken up a great deal of my spare time, and now suddenly *poof* I have this extra leisure time that I don't know how to fill. It's very wierd to have the time to do all the stuff I've been putting off doing--especially since I no longer have an excuse to put it off! Luckily, the kids will be out of school in a few weeks, and we'll be operating noon to midnight every day, so I'll be able to procrastinate with work as the excuse. Until then, though...
Susie's Top Ten Excuses for Avoiding Her To Do List:
#10 My brain hurts
#9 I have to brush the cat
#8 All the saltines are soggy
#7 Some of the weeds are rather attractive....
#6 There'll just be more dust tomorrow!
#5 The aliens took the other one
#4 My neopet's not going to feed itself
#3 Neither is my mupet
#2 I need to blog
and the number one excuse for avoiding my To Do list:
#1 There is no spoon
Ah, the start of my work week again. That means it's Inventory Day! I have the insurmountable joy of counting every bag, cup and package of candy in the building. Then I get to calculate what's been used versus what's been sold and determine the net shortage. In the two years I have been doing this, inventory has never balanced. Not once. That's because if a clerk rings up a large drink instead of a large popcorn, we're short the dollar price difference. Or if a customer changes their mind, and the clerk throws away the bag or cup instead of putting it in the "spoilage" box, we're short the entire retail price of that item. I think the best inventory we ever had was -$5.00. Or maybe it was +$5.00. Either way, it didn't balance.
Since I posted a baby picture last time, I think this week I'll post a picture of kids...my dad's three lovely sisters:
Here they are a little older:
And here a few years ago:
Interesting what a difference 70 years or so can make, isn't it?
Cool, isn't it? It's Cinco de Mayo, too. Cinco de Mayo de Cinco?
I don't know if that's right--I don't speak French....
There's a reason I try not to read the news. It just makes me angry. I don't have the links to these, so forgive me, but recently I stumbled across two different news stories about rapes. In both cases, the accused rapist claimed consent. In case one, the accused was believed and the case was dismissed. In case two, the accuser was believed and the accused was convicted.
What made me so angry about this? In both cases, the person whose version of events was believed was the man. In case one, the man claimed consensual sex and the case was dismissed. In case two, the man claimed he was raped, and the woman was convicted.
Granted these were online news stories, so there was little detail and less nuance. But the impression I got was that both these cases were based on witness testimony alone, and the witness who was believed in both instances was the one with the Y chromosome.
I guess I must be blogging about this too soon, because I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts. Maybe I'll come back to it when I've had more coffee, or gained more aesthetic distance. Or maybe I'll just shrug and say "It's a man's world" and forget about it.
Nope. Still angry. Blogging is not as cathartic as I'd hoped....
Everyone go read this then come back (For those of you still silly enough to be using IE, I have made the link open in a new window; those of you with real browsers can just open it in a new tab).
While I cannot dispute his words of advice (especially since some of my employees have worked at Meijer and at Wal-mart, so I've heard the stories), I think that things at the theater are pretty much the opposite of Aris's list. Let me take them point-by-point...
Don't ever let management see that you are having a good time.
I prefer that the kids enjoy what they are doing. Having fun is probably the only compensation they get for putting up with all the crap that customers dish out. Once all the patrons have been attended to and everything is clean and stocked, it's play time! ( see paragraph four). We have had hacky-sack tournaments in the lobby, not to mention the Great Bicycle Race and the Euchre Tournament. However, I will admit that I do find things for employees to clean, but only if I catch them leaning on the counters or sitting on the lobby benches looking bored or pensive. Brooding will get you a bottle of window cleaner in one hand and a roll of paper towels in the other!
Never expect your break on time.
At the theater, business comes in tidal waves. There are no set breaks, but between shows the clerks can go get ice cream, run home for a snack, do their homework, go out for a cigarette,* whatever--as long as I know where they are, and that they'll be back in time for the next set, they can have as many breaks as they want. If their errand takes less than five minutes, I don't even make them clock out.
Don't work any harder than you have to to keep from getting fired.
Believe it or not, I can tell when employees have this attitude. Sometimes I fire them. Usually I just give the most hours to the hardest workers, and when the slackers get tired of $15 paychecks while everyone else is getting $75 or $100, they either shape up or quit. Yes, the reward for hard work is more work. I am an evil capitalist oppressor!
Never date a co-worker.
While this is probably a good idea in general, I only have one rule about this--no smooching, groping, or hugging while in uniform. I currently have three "couples" among the ranks, and (knocking on virtual wood) the teenage angst levels are at the lowest they have ever been. Of course, when prom weekend rolls around, I'm screwed....
You know, if the owner ever finds out about this, I'll be in for it, since he just doesn't get that happy workers make happy customers. So don't tell him, ok?
*only if they are 18 or older
What is wrong with people? Are movie theaters the new Vomitoriums? In the last month we have had to clean up more puke than in the entire previous year. The last incident was the last straw. It's bad enough when they spew in the theater, or the lobby, or miss the toilet and decorate the entire stall. But over the weekend a woman politely informed us that her daughter had thrown up in the restroom sink. It took two days, two bottles of draino and a lot of plunging by strong-stomached clerks to get the darned sink usuable again. I'm sure the kid didn't know any better, and the mom was anxious to get her sick kid home, but the least she could have done was give us her name and address so we could call a plumber and send her the bill.
Most people have no consideration for other people's property. Wait. Make that, most people have no consideration. Last night between shows my cashier was helping a newbie behind concessions. Someone pounded on the glass to the box office. He stopped what he was doing, went to the box, and the girl on the other side of the glass asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock on the bank directly behind her and told her, and she walked away! Without a word! Without a 'thank you'! And not only does the bank have a big clock on its face, but the grocery store in the strip has a giant tower with a clock on it, too! Plus, she could have just stepped into the lobby and looked at our clock next to concessions--in fact, you can see our clock from where she was standing! Instead, she has to bang on the window in an obviously empty cubicle until someone comes running.
My fantasy replay:
Cashier: Hi! Can I help you?
Rude girl: What time is it?
Cashier: Which show would you like to see?
Rude girl: I'm not seeing a movie, I just need to know what time it is
Cashier: Time for you to get a watch! [slams window].
Unfortunately, we cannot be honest with customers (or potential customers) and tell them to their faces how how rude or stupid or inconsiderate they are. Two weekends ago, one of the cashiers had a siezure in the box office. Not only did most of the customers stand around gawking, one woman walked up and demanded a refill on her popcorn from my assistant manager while she was trying to call 911! Out of the dozens of non-employees who witnessed the incident, only one offered to help. My assistant was so grateful she gave him free popcorn, soda and candy after the EMS and the cashier's mom arrived.
I frequently hear people complain about how slow or dense or rude a cashier or other retail clerk was. As a customer, you had to put up with one rude/stupid person waiting on you. As a cashier, you have to put up with waiting on hundreds of rude/stupid customers. Who's got it worse?
The Karnival of Kids can be found here.
Got pictures even cuter than those? Prove it! Post one on your blog and send the link to Karnival.kidz -at- gmail.com....