July 31, 2005

Bull Winkle's Big Day

Archie Winkle earned his nickname of "Bull" by the age of three, more as a result of his innate stubbornness than any whimsy on his mother's part. "That boy is just bullheaded!" Winnie would often exclaim to her friend Vera on the telephone, after a long day of wrestling with her child's resistance to any promises, bribes or threats. "He wouldn't eat a bite of his supper until I put syrup on it. Syrup! On tuna and noodles!"

Archie's determination became legendary in the local school system when, in the 3rd Grade, he drove not only his teacher but the school's principal to tears with his steadfast refusal to surrender his Luke Skywalker action figure once show-and-tell was over (although, to be fair to Archie, it was more the fact that the rest of the class joined his sit-in and recess-boycott until he was allowed to finish his lecture on the finer points of light saber dueling, rather than Archie's initial reluctance to take his seat and put away his toy, that caused Principal Worth to lock herself in her office with two boxes of tissues and her bottle of Valium).

By the time he made his high school basketball team as the first string center--despite standing only 5'6" in custom-made platform sneakers--Bull was synonymous with steely single-mindedness in his town. Even the mayor decried the growth spurt that caused Archie to shoot up 5 inches the summer of his junior year, causing Bull to lose interest in the sport. "We would've made state," Hizzhonor had been heard to lament.

By the time Bull joined the Army, townsfolk had stopped being surprised by anything he did. When he moved back into Winnie's house after she passed away, the neighbors threw him a barbecue. And everyone carefully refrained from commenting on his obvious limp, at least within earshot.

There were rumors, of course. It was a small town, after all, and what other entertainment was available now that Ed's Bargain Bowl had closed down? Folks just didn't see the sense in driving 30 miles to get in a few frames (except on special occasions).

Bob Farmer swore that Bull had been a paratrooper and shattered his leg when he landed on rocky outcropping in the mountains of Afghanistan. Millie held forth to the breakfast crowd at her diner that Bull had been knee-capped when he refused to join a group of bad apples smuggling black market MREs. Will Hoover insisted that the limp wasn't real--that Bull was an undercover agent sent by the guv'ment to root out violations of the Patriot Act, and they could expect to be rounded up and shipped off to concentration camps any day now. (Will was the Chairman and sole member of the town's Green Party).

Apart from Bull himself, the only person in town who knew the truth about his injury was his "Aunt" Vera. Vera wasn't telling. Vera just smiled enigmatically whenever she heard the speculation, and changed the subject.

When Chief Sorensen had a massive coronary and died behind the wheel of his patrol car on his way to try and talk some sense into Bert Hoover (who was holding his brother at shotgun-point over a recycling dispute), no one was surprised when Hizzhonor appointed Bull the new Chief of Police. The town's three full-time and two part-time police officers breathed a sigh of relief. If anyone could handle the Town Council, it was Bull.

Within a week, the Council had approved the purchase of an additional patrol car. Within a month, the Department had a new computer. And by the time Bull's six-week anniversary rolled around, an additional part-time officer had been hired.

The day Bull was killed started like many another--with his feet up on his desk, coffee in one hand and Field and Stream in the other. Bull didn't hunt or fish, but he enjoyed reading about it. He liked to get to the office early, so he could make the coffee himself--Bull preferred the kind of coffee that could grown hair on your chest.

On this particular Wednesday, Myra was on dispatch and Young Joe had the cruiser. Bull had just finished an article on the proper construction of an ice-fishing shack when Myra poked her head in the door.

"Chief, there's somethin' up over at Millie's place. Becca called to report a couple a suspicious-lookin' fellas hangin' around."

"Where's Young Joe?" he asked, dropping his feet from the desk and standing up.

"Out by the highway--takin' a report on some shopliftin' at the Conoco station."

Bull nodded. "It's about time for breakfast anyway," he said.


To be continued..... ??????

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A Once and Future Human

So I don't forget this week, I'm posting my KoK entry early (ish):

ashley.pg
This little cutie is another of my nieces. I need this to remind me how sweet she really is, since she just recently turned into a teenager*...

*a mutant creation, formerly a member of the human species, and destined to become human once again in 5 or 6 years. Until then, all wise humans give "teenagers" a wide berth...

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Party!

Victor's gone and he's left the liquor cabinet unlocked...Who wants an "After 5"?

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July 30, 2005

See you at the witching hour...

The Bad Example/Frizzen Sparks Family Drunken Blog Crawl is scheduled to begin at 7pm tonight (when I am locked away far from my computer in the murky dungeons tower of the theater, chained to movie projectors older than I am) and last until 7am tomorrow morning.

Although I was not spawned by either of these fine gentlemen, and never drink on a work night (a lesson learned from my undergrad days when I drank on many a school night) I intend to crash the crawl (in a shameful state of sobriety) once freed of my shackles, so I may laugh and point at the antics of the inebriated.

Since there's no logo for Crawl Crashers, I am usurping the one for the Designated Drivers:blogcrawldd.gif
If you want to crash, too--or just lurk and make snide comments--Harvey has blogrolled all the members of the extended families at his place.

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July 29, 2005

Avast, Maties!

The Carnival Of Comedy is up at Right Hand of God. It's particularly piratical this week....

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July 28, 2005

When did dinosaurs get internet access?

This is cool! Not only does Extreme Tracking keeps tabs on visitors from the "Unknown Continent" (last seen in The Land That Time Forgot starring Doug McClure) but it has also discovered a couple of new continents that were previously unknown (at least by my 6th grade geography teacher): Oceania and Central America!

continents.jpg

Somebody needs to call Rand McNally....

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July 27, 2005

Another idiot judge...

According to the news, a Denver city ordinance which goes against Colorado state law has been upheld by the state court.

The city sued the state in May 2004, arguing the law violated Denver's home rule, and in April a judge ruled for Denver, allowing the ban to be enforced.

This is great news! Because if cities can pass laws that are in direct opposition to the laws of their state, what's to prevent states from passing laws that are in opposition to the country's? A state could ban the right for women to vote, or declare federal income tax illegal. A state's "home rule" could require all citizens to own assault weapons, or make espionage legal. The possibilities are endless!

I think I'll start campaigning for Indiana to make school prayer mandatory for all children, and any child who doesn't pray will be sent for "re-education"...

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July 26, 2005

Which way is Valhalla?

Your Viking Name is...

Sæuðr Bearsmasher

(Well, actually, that wouldn't really be your name -- since you're female, your name would be something like "Sæuðr Björnsdottir". But this is the twenty-first century, and you want to be known for who you are, not for who your father was, right? Right.)


valkerie.jpg

Your Viking Personality: You're a fearsome Viking, but you aren't completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that.

You are strong and tireless, frequently shouldering burdens that would tire lesser women. As a Viking, you're one of the "berserkers", and rush into battle with no clothes on.

If the sight of you naked isn't enough to disable the enemy, your sword certainly will be.

You might grumble a bit at the lack of amenities on board a Viking longboat, but you can handle it. Other Vikings would consider you "one of the guys" if you were a guy. (But even though you're a woman, they still think you're all right.)



Found here, thanks to Conservative Rant

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July 25, 2005

Your weekly cuteness allotment

Jody over at Iowa Geek did a fabulous job with this week's Karnival of Kidz, linking all the entries in an amusing Fairy Tale. Go read the story, even if you don't click all the links to adorable children.

Next week's Host is Harvey of Bad Example, and yours truly will be hostessing again on August 8th. If you want to get in on the fun, just email karnival.kidz-at-gmail.com

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July 24, 2005

The Color Orange

cousins.jpg

These are two of my nieces, about 22 years apart in age....Do you think the little one is going to be a carrot top, too?

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I am the Soup Nazi

Why do people assume that if they have spilled their drink in the theater they can just get a free refill? First of all, they have already created more work for us, because now we have to mop under the seats all the way down to the screen (pop, like other substances, rolls downhill). Plus, they have already proved their inability to control their beverages, and now they want us to trust them with more? Honestly, if they bought a new car, drove it off the lot and immediately smashed it into a tree, do you think they really would expect to walk back to the salesman and say "I need a different car, I broke that one," and get an on-the-spot replacement?

Yes, we gave him the refill. It just annoys me that he even had the gall to ask...I wish we didn't have to cater to the drink-spillers of the world.

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July 23, 2005

You may need to bring your own harness

Believe it or not, I have not forgotten the story I owe bullwinkle--I'm just stuck. My creative engine stalled, and it's type type type...delete delete delete... I have given myself a deadline of the end of this month to either finish it, or post what I have, even though it's at the cliffhanger stage. If the latter happens, you're welcome to not read it until it's done....

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July 22, 2005

And that's not including the insurance and plates....

My siblings keep harrassing me to buy a new car. They tell me I can get one for "only" $10,000 or lease one for "only" $150/month. The only way I could afford a new car is if I quit smoking. Unfortunately, that's my only vice, and I don't want a new car enough to become a paragon of virtue. Virtue is so boring....

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July 21, 2005

My review of the Kia Rio

Acceleration: 0 to 10 in 60 seconds (enormous risk of being rear-ended)
Braking: 30 to 0 in 1 seconds (whiplash potential)
Handling: Otherwise excellent

Not recommended for anyone over 5'7"...

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July 20, 2005

Self Portrait

I found this thing at Harvey's on his sidebar, and constructed my face:

moi.jpg

The Xs in my ears have always embarrassed me....

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July 19, 2005

Bonfire #107

What do bloggers do when we find we have written a post so bad it makes us cringe that we even hit "publish"? Why, we Burn It !!!

fire.jpg

Stealing Borrowing the idea from last week's host, I put on my official Harry Potter sorting hat and separated the good, the bad and the ugly:

25% of all Bonfire submissions are too good to be burned
But not this one, by northstar.

I really enjoyed this--wasn't there anything worse?
Mustang 23 shares the contents of his care package. Darth Tater rocks!

The Devil Harvey quotes scripture for his purpose.

CrankyBeach has a close encounter with an "efficiency expert."

Could be worse--could be raining
Jewboy says goodbye to a devoted companion (with a photo of the deceased from happier times).

Kevin of Technogypsy submits his Dumpling Recipe--I think he might have the wrong carnival...

Trying to be funny and failing abysmally
Spirit Fingers meets trench mouth....

Ferdinand T. Cat attempts a podcast. Yes, inability to speak human does present problems.

Brian J. Noggle offers advice to prospective parents. Don't Listen!!!!!

Russ finds amusement in disease and death--luckily, the rest of us are normal...

a4g alerts us to a change at Drudge--who says "greener" isn't better?

Don't look, Ethel!
Beth should be pilloried for her post. My God, Woman--have you no compassion?

Rusty sneakily submits someone else's post...personally I think he should have just deleted it!

Thankfully, my eyes glazed over
Mad Anthony makes some point about coffee causing grafitti--or maybe it was the other way 'round....

Tigerhawk fisks a news conference. That's not even as exciting as it sounds....

nikita demosthenes, not satisfied by posting about the subject in the comments on other people's blogs, tries to start a discussion on his own blog...Who's this Plume woman, anyway?

Rick Moran even asks his readers what in the Sam Hill he's blogging about, so I guess I can be forgiven when I answer, "Sorry, Rick, I don't know!"

Who cares?
Two Dogs offers deep political insight on the difference between Left and Right Wing--not!

Wunderkraut blogs a tantrum--his own.

Speaking of tantrums, Leather Penguin shares his "white hot rage" with the blogosphere. This bonfire is hot enough, thank you!

Kevin of Technogypsy doesn't spend all of his time cooking--in this post he blogs a day trip. At least the pictures are nice....

William Teach posted a quiz. Sheesh, Bill--get a life, so you have something to blog badly about!

Worst in Show
Sean Hackbarth blogs something about something else--I can't figure it out....

Just to prove that I know a really bad post when I read one
I urge you to avoid clicking the link to my submission this week...

Upcoming Bonfire Stops:

Week 108 (July 26) - Soldiers' Angel - Holly Aho (url:http://www.sablogs.com/)

Week 109 (Aug 2) - Crystal Clear (url: http://crystal.typepad.com/)

Week 110 (Aug 9) - WunderKraut (url: http://wunderkraut.com/)

Want to play? Send a link to your worst post along with any self serving excuses or clever self mocking to: bonfire-at-wizbangblog.com.

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July 18, 2005

I didn't get the memo....

That the Karnival of Kids was in pre-production. Here's this week's, sans Susie....

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I'm impatient, darn it!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was good. There were a couple of surprises, a couple of non-surprises, and a lot of lingering questions leaving room for a couple more sequels. When can I pre-order book 7?

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July 17, 2005

Sunday String Fling

I seem to be at a loss for blogging inspiration. Yes, I got to work, but I don't feel like sharing my tribulations today. The weather does not inspire me. I couldn't find a quiz that I wanted to post. I don't feel like talking about politics or the news. I don't even have any email jokes to share. What does a blogger do in this sort of situation? Make fun of search strings, of course!

tom cruise hate sites... I wouldn't call this a "hate site" per se....
Bottomless with No Underwear...Can you say redundant??? Hmmmm....must be this post
what to do for a broken pinkie toe... I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on my blog
karl rove is kute... excuse me?
air conditioning fuse for 2005 vw beatle... say whaaat?????
going commando pantie... this post again
mom pisses in the toilet with the door open... Good Lord! I'm #4 for that search!
"valerie plame" wifey ...how did that one point to me? must've been the misdirected comment on this post...

Well, that's enough fun for one day...

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July 16, 2005

Every silver lining has a dark cloud

The Good News is my Harry Potter 6 just was delivered. The Bad News is my car won't start and I have to find a ride to and from work until it's fixed (my mechanic says he can look at it Monday or Tuesday).

I need a job that pays enough to afford a new car. Maybe I'll run for U.S. Senate--those guys make at least 50K, don't they?

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July 15, 2005

Status Report

Well, we're about half-way through July today, which means in a few weeks the kids go back to school...yay! That means I'll go back to getting two days off a week...yay! It means that on inventory day I can go in at noon instead of 10...yay!
Oh, drat--today's inventory day. I have to go to work shortly...not yay...

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July 14, 2005

Lame Post #3.75

I don't know what to blog about today. I had a tweleve-and-a-half hour workday yesterday and I'm just tired. I even forgot my purse at work--that's how out of it I was when I left. I'm lucky I got home safely!

I'm going to take a nap now....

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July 13, 2005

White Trash Wednesday

When I first saw this car, I knew I had to post a picture of it for White Trash Wednesday:

carhop.jpg

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July 12, 2005

Support the Troops--Not!

I really don't get the "logic" of folks who say they support our troops, yet in the next breath perpetuate the propaganda that our soldiers are wantonly raping, torturing and killing innocent civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan. I don't support any troops, American or otherwise, who commit those kinds of atrocities, and I don't know of a single conservative or moderate who does, either.

To the anti-war folks, though, there doesn't seem to be any incongruity there. When Harvey posted a very thoughtful response to an anyone-but-Bush type's wondering about an endpoint to the war in Iraq, he garnered this comment from Mountain Girl: "We will continue to create this vicious cycle until we withdraw!"

I think the link was meant to lead here, to a "letter" posted on a soldier's blog that Mountain Girl seems to have no quarrel with. This "letter" (which is essentially an attempt to justify the London bombings) says things such as:

What do you call what happened in the prisons in Iraq – in Abu Ghraib, Camp Bucca and the many other prison camps? What do you call the torture of men, women, and children? What do you call tying bombs to the bodies of prisoners and blowing them apart? What do you call the refinement of methods of torture for use on Iraqi prisoners – such as pulling off limbs, gouging out eyes, putting out cigarettes on their skin, and using cigarette lighters to set fire to the hair on their heads? Does the word “barbaric” adequately describe the behavior of your troops in Iraq?

Mountain Girl does not dispute any of these allegations that US and British troops in Iraq are behaving surprisingly like Saddam Hussein's forces. In fact, in the comments to her own post she states:

I too support our troops. It is not a question of loyalty to the troops. The troops are pawns in this game. They must do what they are told or face life-long consequences. I hope that we can break this cycle of attack and be attacked. We are perpetuating terrorism, in my opinion, by occupying Iraq.

I do not understand why so many on the left are unable to see the fundamental paradox--I am tempted to call it hypocrisy, but I suspect that may be too harsh--in their statements of support for troops who they believe are torturing, maiming and killing innocent bystanders. The old "I was just obeying orders" didn't cut it at Nuremberg, and it doesn't cut it today.

Any American military personnel who gouge out prisoners' eyes or pull off their limbs should be summarily court marshaled, not "supported" by Mountain Girl and her ilk. I do not and never will support those kinds of troops.

I'm pretty sure our troops don't support them either.

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July 11, 2005

Why do bloggers always send readers to other people's posts?

If you're looking for something interesting to read (wait! am I implying that I have nothing interesting to read? hmmm....) you can head on over to the Best of Me Symphony. Ordinarily I also link to the Karnival of Kidz, but I seem to have been blackballed this week...who knew there was a maximum-allowed-cuteness limit that apparently this picture exceeded?

If roundups aren't your thing, you can stop by Jennifer's and help her odometer turn over, or visit the Cheesemistress for insightful commentary on current events. As a last resort, there's Harvey (who is in the running for the Blogger's Academy Humanitarian Award for helping new bloggers--most of whom he has spawned himself) the host of this week's New Blog Showcase....

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July 10, 2005

For lack of anything else to post

concessions.jpg

This is a pic of our concessions area from the perspective of the ticket booth. Notice how "cool" the boys act when they are being photographed....

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July 09, 2005

Happy Blogiversary Frank!

Indeed.

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July 08, 2005

I just think she's so adorable I really can't get enough of looking her, or It Could Be Worse, It Could Be Cat-blogging...

angel megan1.jpg

My soon-to-be-one-year-old niece, Megan

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Announcement

This is going to be one of those long workdays and since I don't know if I'll have the energy to post anything when I get home, I decided to slap something up on my blog so my loyal readers don't worry about me.

(Um--that was it. Really.)

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July 07, 2005

07/07/05

brit flat.jpgWe are all infidels today...


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Four shalt thou not count....

I think everyone already knows that blogger Frank J. of IMAO is an engineer in real life, despite the fact that he cannot do basic mathematical calculations without removing his shoes.

What everyone didn't know (until now) is that before Frank got engaged to Sarah K. he wasn't very particular about who he dated, as the photoshopic evidence in the extended entry proves....

paris_frank.jpg

Yes! Frank J. dated Paris Hilton!

----------
This fillthy lie about Frank J. was brought to you at the behest of the Alliance of Free Blogs: Keeping the Blogosphere supplied with its recommended weekly allowance of filthy lies since August 2003....
----------

Happy 3rd Blogiversary, Frank!

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July 06, 2005

OK, I lied--Tom Cruise's idiocy is back on the table

I really, really hate it when I wake up in the middle of the night convinced that I'm dying. Logically I know that it's "just" a panic attack, but logic isn't really a lot of help at 3am when your body is acting like you're a cave woman who just noticed a saber-toothed tiger blocking the cave entrance. The good thing is, this no longer happens to me several times a day, several days a week, for several (ok, ten) consecutive years. Why? Because I take medicine to correct my imbalanced brain chemicals. Exercise and a positive mental attitude just don't cut it, Tom, despite your "expert" opinion to the contrary. I know this through personal experience, having tried just about every treatment out there--and while some of them help, none of them helps enough for me to go about a "normal" daily life without including medication.

Tom Cruise is an idiot--he might as well be condemning diabetics for taking insulin.

Ok, I'm done (for now).

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July 05, 2005

Well, That was Interesting...

There is some sort of flaw in the CPanel/MT continuum that keeps creating server errors and prevents Munuvians from posting, readers from commenting, or even our blogs from loading. Since I don't really understand all that geek speak, I'm just going to pray to St. Jude and St. Anthony that Pixy finds a solution to an apparently unsolvable problem...

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July 04, 2005

Happy Fireworks Day!

Before I head into work I an going to indulge in my annual Independence Day tradition--watch 1776. The DVD version is a "restored" Director's Cut with at least a half hour more footage. It's a little jarring to be watching a movie you've seen so many times you have it memorized when suddenly there is something different--like in the Blues Brothers DVD where Elwood quits his job. On the one hand, it makes the movie fresh--at least until you've watched it a dozen more times. On the other, it's like running into an old friend who's had a nose job: familiar but askew....

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July 03, 2005

Then and Now

mom and bro 2.jpg mom and bro.jpg

What I find most interesting about comparing these two pictures is how my mom and brother seem to have exchanged hair color over the course of 30 years....

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Today's Thought

For those of you who were awaiting my word on the subject before it was closed: Tom Cruise is an idiot.

Okay, you can go on about your lives now.

Posted by Susie at 10:31 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

July 02, 2005

Quickies

I really didn't have much of an opinion one way or the other about Sandra Day O'Connor's resignation until I read that she thought the Supreme Court was an instrument for social justice. [There was actually more to that statement, but naturally the news story where I read it has been replaced by bombings in Kosovo or maybe the March Against Poverty story, which is disappointing because I wanted to be able to quote it.]
Excuse me? The job of the Supreme Court is to interpret the Constitution as it relates to governmental legislation, NOT crusade for "social justice." We need a little more strict construction-ism among the Big Nine.

My brother gave my mom one of these (probably not safe for work) towels. In case you can't read the words, it says "Everyone Loves a Happy Penis." This could be a philosophical truth--words to live by, even. Meditate on it, you'll see what I mean.

I ordered Tiger's book. I may even review it some time.

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July 01, 2005

Blogging on Deadline

I only have half an hour to come up with something scathingly brilliant and wildly entertaining before I have to leave for work.

On the other hand, if my readers wanted brilliant and entertaining they'd go here or here.

(I just noticed that Munu's chief code-wrangler and spam-basher is near the bottom of Munuvia's "most linked" list--164 out of 167--so I thought I'd try and give Pixy a boost in the ecosystem with some blatent link-doping. Hey, it's "something," right? Besides, he fixed my RSS when I didn't even know it was broken!)

P.S. Happy Blogiversary Jen!

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